These pages will be put in order eventually!
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This page has the following sub pages.
- *Age 58 – MEETING MY MOTHER’S FRIEND
- *Age 40 – DOING ART THERAPY
- *RESILIENCY – WHY I’M ALIVE – NOT A MYSTERY
- *In Honor of the Grieving Chicken (2003)
- *MY 1976 LETTER TO MY MOTHER -STILL LIVING THE LIE
- *THE DAY I ABUSED MY OWN LITTLE SON
- **2005 BEET HARVEST AND DISSOCIATION
- *FORENSIC AUTOBIOGRAPHY
- +D-Day June 17, 2009
- *LIVE AND DIE TRYING: OUR CHILDHOOD PAIN IN OUR ADULT RELATIONSHIPS
- +BECOMING HEALERS
- *1972 – WHAT I FELT LIKE AT 20
- *ANTI-DISSOCIATION: REMEMBERING THE FEELING OF FEELING ONE’S SELF IN ONE’S LIFE
- *’DIS-ASSOCIATION’ BETWEEN RIGHT-LEFT BRAIN HEMISPHERES AND DISMISSIVE-AVOIDANT INSECURE ATTACHMENT DISORDERS
- *DISSOCIATION: MEMORY OF ONGOING EXPERIENCE FROM THE PREY’S POINT OF VIEW
- *Age 20 – Horrible visit ‘home’ with my daughter
- *Age 18 – FROM BOOT CAMP TO MOTHERHOOD
- *ALL MY DREAMS
- *Age 21 – Photograph of Me in 1973
- *Age 35 – The Dream – The Night I Banished the Radical Christians
- *Age 58 – Art Work Processing
- *Age 22 – Oct. 1973 ACT college results
- *Age 34-35 (August 1986 – August 1987) First Sweat Ceremony
- *Age 35 – Bear Butte and the circle around me (1987)
- *011610 Zane reading – Cindy and Linda work together?
- *Age 58 – Artwork October 29, 2009
- *Age 58 – The simple state of just being in the world
- *112509 Zane reading on life and death
- *122809 Zane reading – relocation – Alaska
- *Age 20 – My March 7, 1972 letter to my parents
- *Age 20 – My May 1, 1972 letter to my mother
- *Age 29 – Greyhound bus trip started February 17, 1981 – Journal entries
- *Ages 29-33 – Eight Letters to a Friend
- *Commentary on the eight letters to a friend – ages 29-33
- *Age 29 – Beginning March 1981 Journal After 30-Day Bus Trip
- *Age 29 – Journal Entries – Trying to Orient and Organize A Lost Self
- *Age 30 Journal – Sept. through Dec. 1981
- *Age 30 – Journal from January 1982 through April 1982
- *Age 30 – Journal from May 1982 through August 1982
- *Age 31 Journal – Sept. 1982 thru June 10, 1983
- *Age 31 – Journal Starting June 10 to 27, 1983
- *Ages 31 – 32 – August 13, 1983 through January 22, 1984 Journal
- *Ages 35 – 36 – My 1987 Letters to My Mother
- *Age 36 – My May 10, 1988 Letter Disowning My Mother
- *Age 57 – Dec. 2007 – July 2008 – (A Shaman Daughter Pages)
- *Age 57 – March 2009 (whole text) Astrological Reading About My Emotions
- *Age 58 – October 28, 2009 – Dollar store paint, crayon and marker images
- *Age 58 – November 5, 2009 – A hard way to be in the world
- *Age 58 – Astrology reading about life and death
This website is fascinating. I am a middle-aged counselor who is currently seeing one! After all of these years I am realizing that I do not have continous memory. My mother was a raging borderline who attemted suicide numerous times. She liked to make sure that I found her.
I am very disturbed by my gaps in memory and unsure how much I want to remember. My brother became a drug addict, my sister got pregnant to get out of the house and…I remained.
I have had a lot of difficulty letting people get close to me. I am comfortable getting close to them, and with any/all discosure from them…but I struggle. Hence- I get some of my intimacy needs met by work. My other needs get met in therapy.
Continue to write folks…you find yourself that way.
Thank you for stopping by! There’s quite a bit of information about insecure attachment disorders on this blog. Once I realized I had ‘one of those’ pieces began to fit together.
“I am very disturbed by my gaps in memory and unsure how much I want to remember.” — Because you describe your mother the way that you do, my guess is that the information here about how interactions with early caregivers form the body-brain differently when we have ‘different’ mothers (to put it most mildly) might be helpful for you, too. We were formed differently — the only main ‘salvation’ being the presence of some other stable, loving early caregiver. These early experiences form us, and have become a part of us, but lie within the implicit memory of our body and cannot be recalled (usually) consciously.
Our body has a wisdom in terms of memory and what I call ‘self disclosure’. It sounds like your childhood was horrifically traumatic. Poke around here — you can search with the search bar, too. Hope to hear from you again!! All the best, Linda
Please see this April 2, 2010 post
+FOOLED BY AN ABUSIVE BORDERLINE? – MY MOTHER’S EXPERT DISTORTION OF REALITY
by clicking on this link:
http://stopthestorm.wordpress.com/2010/04/02/fooled-by-an-abusive-borderline-my-mothers-expert-distortion-of-reality/