*A FEW OF MY CHILDHOOD HANDMADE GREETING CARDS

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I have been disappointed not to find any of my childhood art work as I go through my mother’s papers, but I am not surprised.  Why would she keep mine?

Then I discovered that tucked inside some of the piles of my mother’s letters were envelopes that had tucked inside of THEM some of the cards I drew as a child.  They are ‘holiday art’, more stereotyped than would be an actual freehand drawing.  But as I have none of the latter to look at, I’ll have to be happy with the former.  I do see that as I got a little older here the pictures on the cards become a little more complex and interesting.

So here they are in order by my apparent age at drawing, with what comments I can make about them.  The first one showing here I will ‘work with’ separately under the page heading

*Age 8 – The Reindeer Envelope – My Own Art Work Analyzed By Me – The Art Therapist

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I would have been around 7 when this was drawn.  This is the envelope I made, the card doesn't seem to be here.  I am going to do a separate page devoted to what I think about this one!  This is with the flap of the envelope UP
I would have been around 8 when this was drawn, probably the winter of my 3rd grade during the winter months mother taught us on the mountain. This is the envelope I made, the card doesn’t seem to be here. I am going to do a separate page (see link above to the Reindeer Drawing) devoted to what I think about this one! This is with the flap of the envelope UP
This is the envelope flap closed
This is the envelope flap closed
This is the other side of the envelope with flap open
This is the other side of the envelope with flap open
We had hard plastic stencils when I was a kid -- and this bunny's body looks like it was drawn with one of them.  I remember my mother getting very angry with me the winter of 1960-61 for referring to her as 'Mommy', so my guess this card was made prior to that time, probably for her birthday in 1959 when I was 7.
We had hard plastic stencils when I was a kid — and this bunny’s body looks like it was drawn with one of them. I remember my mother getting very angry with me the winter of 1960-61 for referring to her as ‘Mommy’, so my guess this card was made prior to that time, probably for her birthday in 1959 when I was 7.
But then the mystery becomes, how could this card have been made when I was seven -- because this printing inside certainly looks 8 or 9?
But then the mystery becomes, how could this card have been made when I was seven — because this printing inside certainly looks 8 or 9?
Maybe it was her 1960 December birthday, I would have been 9 -- wonder why I chose the Easter bunny for an image?
Maybe it was her 1960 December birthday, I would have been 9 — wonder why I chose the Easter bunny for an image?
This is a 1962 (age 10) Easter card to grandma
This is a 1962 (age 10) Easter card to grandma
Inside the 1962 easter card, I guess that's a rock there in the grass
Inside the 1962 easter card, I guess that’s a rock there in the grass
No doubt I was a little older when I made this birthday card for mother.  That's a cut out circle in the center, as you will soon see
No doubt I was a little older when I made this Mother’s Day card for mother. That’s a cut out circle in the center, as you will soon see
Here's the inside, Mother's Day card -- would be nice if whe and I were two flowers side by side!
Here’s the inside, Mother’s Day card — would be nice if she and I were two flowers side by side!
This is envelope for above card, flap open
This is envelope for above card, flap open
Back of same envelope bordered in black
Back of same envelope bordered in black
I think the deer was from a stencil -- I see I attempted to change the front leg so it was walking but erased my effort -- lots of plant related detail in this, notice the oval 'hole in the tree', lots of art therapist controversy over those!  I was enjoying using the crayons and colors in this drawing
I think body outline of the deer was from a stencil or a tracing — I see I attempted to change the front leg so it was walking so it could look like it was moving, going somewhere, but evidently wasn’t happy with the leg and erased my effort — lots of plant related detail in this, notice the oval ‘hole in the tree’, lots of art therapist controversy over those! I was enjoying using the crayons and colors in this drawing to create my own imaginary Natural world in picture, like my own ‘Secret Garden’
This is the inside of the card with the deer, tree etc on it just viewed.
This is the inside of the card with the deer, tree etc on it just viewed.
I doubt I had any concept of the equinox, but find my choice of themes for this card interesting as her birthday was December 21st.  More a step into winter than a step into spring, but I was thinking positively!  Interesting split of "21st" there, but not a split between fall and winter like this date actually is.  I think that's a little squirrel on a black rock there, some animal appearing on the right there.  Curtains or a valence on the window of the house.  Very dark door, no sign of a door knob which is something I always look for in a child's drawing.  Interesting no sign of heat in that house -- no chimney, no smoke.  Would think it would be a bit cold!
I doubt I had any concept of the equinox, but find my choice of themes for this card interesting as her birthday was December 21st. More a step into winter than a step into spring, but I was thinking positively! Interesting split of “21st” there, but not a split between fall and winter like this date actually is. I think that’s a little squirrel on a black rock there, some animal appearing on the right there. Curtains or a valence on the window of the house. Very dark door, no sign of a door knob which is something I always look for in a child’s drawing. Interesting no sign of heat in that house — no chimney, no smoke. Would think it would be a bit cold!
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7 thoughts on “*A FEW OF MY CHILDHOOD HANDMADE GREETING CARDS

  1. I noticed that you’ve underlined “Mother” several times…probably terrified of her wrath, ( compliance with a Borderline’s demands/delusions is a must if you wanted to survive). But she seem kinda inconsistent with her expectations of you because later on in your artwork you’ve addressed her as simply, “mom”…and you’ve underlined it.Did she lapse on her expectations of you?Sometimes Borderlines can be inconsistent with their demands, and it’s not that they forget – you forget and the opportunity for her to discipline is open, not only is the opportunity open for her to discipline you ..but it’s the discipline will be harsher.You shouldn’t known, you should have obliged her petty wims, now you will pay and it will be severe! My mom used this tactic, she’d let a “behavior” go expecting me to re-offend…then she’d inflict horrible, horrible pain.My mother was a master manipulator..she was vigilant about compliance.I learned at an early age that I had to jump hoops, and glass to try and please her – sadly it never happened, and there’s a logical reason for that..she was an insanely enraged infant that wanted control over every aspect of her environment.She was screaming for her mom, no answer, no control for her..

    • There is no way that I wasn’t tied into the fundamentally confused (disorganized, disoriented, RAD insecure attachment disorder underlying Mother’s BPD) — I would have to go look now at the image you are commenting to – but won’t

      I am working very hard to keep my story separate from Mother’s as I tell hers the best that I can

      I do remember, I think it was when I was 7 in second grade — I had ALWAYS called her ‘Mommy’ – until one day suddenly and brutally she let me know I was WAY TOO BIG to call her Mommy – etc –

      Mostly when I consider myself I try to leave the insanity of MOTHER out of what I know of what I experienced – can’t really describe this right now —

      But, yes – your dear Mummy was a pro on every level parallel to my BPD mother – giving us indescribable pain!!!!!

    • Dear Helen – I spent yesterday working on this

      http://thedemiseofmildred.wordpress.com/suburbia-to-alaska/suburbia-chapters-divided/my-bpd-theory-matrix-litany/

      and a little today – but I am going to leave it now

      I feel so completely inadequate to both know and then communicate what I know about Mildred’s madness

      Also, knowing that you know — from the REAL inside — about the patterns of energy within a BPD-matrix.

      Comment over there if you wish – you are the ONLY person of those I am communicating with about the book-writing that I will hear comments from right now. Everyone else is holding their comments back until I have finished my 2nd draft

      This piece on ‘my theory’ is in first draft, I will come back to it after I do the 2nd draft of the 24 chapters – which will now be reworked so that my description of the matrix and the litany lies at the beginning and not in the chapters

      I will NOT say that the ‘theory’ part is clear yet — I have to accept that – like playing a piece of music, knowing a wrong note was hit – and playing to the end of the piece to THEN return to play it all through again

    • Helen, if you do read this as it stands in rough draft at this point

      http://thedemiseofmildred.wordpress.com/suburbia-to-alaska/suburbia-chapters-divided/my-bpd-theory-matrix-litany/

      I will say that I have to find – within the words of my parents’ writings – where I see what I cannot yet explain.

      Say in the case of Mom-Mother-Mommy and my child-Mother’s use of ‘Mummy’ in her Boston-burning story

      and as you or I might have experienced our mothers’ BPD-matrix cornerstones in operation

      Was my Mother, say, operating from her sister cornerstone position when she attacked me for calling her Mommy — having me in a position of being her sister? (on the simple level indicating jealousy, on the deeper levels indicating competition for scarce or missing necessary mother-resources”

      was she in her wife position fighting me by having placed me in a competitive wife position against her as she battled for ‘energy’ from her husband?

      Did she have me in the position of ‘her brother’ as she was in a ‘daughter’ position battling for ‘energy’ from their mother?

      Who can tell?? These kinds of shifts within the BPD-matrix happened so fast, so unreasonably (insanely) that NOBODY could slow things down enough to be certain of the accuracy of who was in what position at any given split SECOND

      as we experienced the predator attacks of our mothers!!

  2. OK, this is officially fascinating to me. I used art as a form of therapy myself, then went back and re-did the images when I was far enough past the rough stuff to realize that I could make something beautiful out of some very deep pain. I’m enjoying browsing through your blog–just happened upon it tonight.

    • Good morning, and glad you stopped by! I am finding after all these years that although I have been ‘crafty’ in working to make things with my hands for as long as I can remember, I do not use art expression itself as a means to uncover my own reality. I suspect I would not wish to know what would be revealed in my art — at least not without a witness-art therapist beside me!

      In the short years I was able to work as an art therapist (I still retain my Nationally Registered Art Therapist status which I worked very hard to get) I witnessed myself some amazing things in the art work both children and adults created. I 100% believe in the power of art to express toward healing the truth about ourselves.

      If you ever with to share any of your artwork with me for my ‘study’ I can ‘show’ you some of the tools I learned to work with images. Send me a comment (that I will not publish) and I will respond to you via email. You can then attach scans of your art back to me in return email.

      Thanks for stopping by!! Linda – alchemynow

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