*Grandmother’s 7-10-1960 Letter to Mother (depressed)

Sunday July 10, 1960

Letter from grandmother to mother

Dearest Mildred:

Thank goodness you called up that time or I would be positively out my mind [sic].  Do you realize that my last letter from you is stamped June 22.  Because you called I try to content myself.  But now you know how I feel when I do not hear.  Even a page does the trick.  Since you are up on top of the mountain now I’ll try to enclose a stamp each time, so you won’t have the excuse that you didn’t have a stamp.

Oh Mil, I can now admit that I was really frightened about myself.  I was sick for several weeks before moving – thought I’d drop, but bound I’d keep working or else.  Now, to-day for the first time in weeks and weeks I’ve been able to put in a full day and see results.  Everything was to be done – but it had to wait.  Now one more room is “settled” looking.  My own bedroom is yet to be conquered.

And unfortunately I suit everything on the truck or took it myself, except my closet of very special [can’t read word] etc.  They tossed them in cartons and now I’ll have to sort them out again.

How on earth do you manage to store all the things for the family?  You are a wizard.  But I am convinced I was a fool to take a house so small – without bookcases etc.  I felt so “all in” that this apartment-like place seemed just right.  It would be for Carolyn who doesn’t keep a scrap of paper or even a magazine – “Out” with everything – even the children.  She always shows them out of the house.  Charlie is a home boy and works in yard or with boys near by etc. more as we always did but Sandra goes out after breakfast and stays often hours without checking in.  Carolyn “knows she’s in the neighborhood somewhere,” but doesn’t bother to check.  Comes when she is ready.  Later on I wonder whether she’ll want to stay around home?  Hell it’s her family, I say nothing, but I would worry.

How I wish and wish I could sail through the air to see you all.  Was Cindy satisfied with a check.  Really?  Would they rather have a gift?  This year, at any rate it seemed best to let her choose what she wanted.

To-morrow I have to “go to court” as a witness for doctor’s wife in that divorce case.  Hate it but business is business.  May have to go three days.  Really one of those – messy cases – where doctor has been trotting his “sweetie” around and going to Motels and signing as Dr and Mrs for 6 months!  And she was in some church circle as my client Mrs. H no I.  They are flying the hotel manager down as a witness on Tuesday.  Quite a surprise for Doctor, I think!  He is a “ratter” and she is so nice.  Lives not too far away from me here in La Canada.  Has become a very fine friend through the years of trouble.  Girl in Jr. H.S. and boy in college.  What a life.  What is money without peace of mind?

Manage to keep busy – would be fine if my back work -reports- hadn’t piled up.  Only the typing bothers me.  Am going to side-step written reports for awhile.

Wonder if I’ll ever feel happy again, Mil?  I am so depressed all the time – just plain weary and sick of everything.  Try so hard to feel differently, but can’t snap out of it.

That’s why I can’t write a thing – not even a decent letter.  Doctor says it’s the illness.  Let us hope so!

If I get a letter to-morrow I’ll feel better.  Tell me some details and news about what you and children are doing.

…. Falling asleep and I have to face a Judge to-morrow.  I was psychologist on the case for a year.  Must get sleep or I’ll give wrong answers.

Write at least a note to cheer me.  Give Cindy a birthday hug for me, please.

Crazy letter – but carries my love to you all – Lovingly, Mother.  (written in bed.  Hope you can read it.)

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