Post on this topic added Wednesday, February 26, 2014
PRENOTES ch27 Earned Attachment
“healthy maturation, facilitating a movement toward an “earned” secure/autonomous adult attachment states (siegel/tdm/287)”
“Studies of those individuals who appear to have had suboptimal attachment histories but receive “earned” secure/autonomous AAI classifications in the Main and Goldwyn system reveal that their parenting, even under stressful conditions, is sensitive and nurturing. “Earned” secure/autonomous status is most often achieved through supportive personal or therapeutic relationships (for example, marriage or psychotherapy). The implication of these findings is that even with difficult past childhood experiences, the mind is capable of achieving an integrated perspective – one that is coherent and that permits parenting behavior to be sensitive and empathic. If integration is achieved, the trend toward transmission of insecure forms of attachment to the next generation can be prevented. Achieving coherence of mind thus becomes a central goal for creating emotional well-being in both oneself and one’s offspring….such integration involves internal processes and their facilitation by interpersonal interactions. (siegle/tdm/313)”
I still find this suspicious somehow, knowing my own history. There’s something missing here. Like if there is such a thing as borrowed attachment and I responded to my children’s innate ability to attach – coupled with my own need to belong – using my drive to attach – difference between drive to attach and ability to attach — and somehow remained in such denial about the reality of my own experience – or somehow formed such a cohesive “goal directed state of mind” as a parent that I just excluded those dis-associated parts of my own past that did not fit the picture of my goal directed state of mind – to not raise my children the way my parents raised me.