+LIST OF 43 CHARACTERISTICS OF bpd

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Wednesday, May 18, 2016.  NOTE:  This list was deleted from the newer 2010 edition of this book.  I found it incredibly helpful to me in “nailing down” what was wrong with my abusive, psychotic mentally ill mother.

Here is the link to my first post on this list – and my Mother.  It took me another year for the reality of the terrible PSYCHOTIC nature of her illness to crystallize in my thinking, especially as it created her insane abuse of me (see my book’s link at bottom of this post for more info):

+DID MY MOTHER SUFFER FROM BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER (BPD)? (this is eerie)  October 6, 2012

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43 characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder

From:  Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Paul Mason MS and Randi Kreger (Jan 2, 2010)

Thoughts That May Indicate BPD

Does this person:

 (1) — Alternate between seeing people as either flawless or evil?  Have difficulty remembering the good things about a person they’re casting in the role of villain?  Find it impossible to recall anything negative about this person when they become the hero?

(2) — Alternate between seeing others as completely for them or against them?

(3) — Alternate between seeing situations as either disastrous or ideal?

(4) — Alternate between seeing themselves as either worthless of flawless?

 (5) — Have a hard time recalling someone’s love for them when they’re not around?

(6) — Believe that others are either completely right or totally wrong?

(7) — Change their opinions depending upon who they’re with?

(8) — Alternate between idealizing people and devaluing them?

(9) — Remember situations very differently than other people, or find themselves unable to recall them at all?

(10) — Believe that others are responsible for their actions — or take too much responsibility for the actions of others?

(11) — Seem unwilling to admit a mistake — or feel that everything that they do is a mistake?

(12) — Based their beliefs on feelings rather than facts?

(13) — Not realize the effects of their behavior on others?

++

Feelings That May Indicate BPD

Does this person:

(14) — Feel abandoned at the slightest provocation?

 (15) — Have extreme moodiness that cycles very quickly (in minutes or hours?)

(16) — Have difficulty managing their emotions?

(17) — Feel emotions so intensely that it’s difficult to put others’ needs — even those of their own children — ahead of their own?

(18) — Feel distrustful and suspicious a great deal of the time?

(19) — Feel anxious or irritable a great deal of the time?

(20) — Feel empty or like they have no self a great deal of the time?

(21) — Feel ignored when they are not the focus of attention?

(22) — Express anger inappropriately or have difficulty in expressing anger at all?

(23) —  Feel that they never can get enough love, affection, or attention?

(24) — Frequently feel spacey, unreal, or out of it?

Behaviors That May Indicate BPD

Does this person

 (25) — Have trouble observing others’ personal limits?

(26) — Have trouble defining their own personal limits?

(27) — Act impulsively in ways that are potentially self-damaging, such as spending too much, engaging in dangerous sex, fighting, gambling, abusing drugs or alcohol, reckless driving, shoplifting, or disordered eating?

(28) — Mutilate themselves — for example, purposely cutting or burning their skin?

(29) — Threaten to kill themselves — or make actual suicide attempts?

(30) — Rush into relationships based on idealized fantasies of what they would like the other person or the relationship to be?

(31) — Change their expectations in such a way that the other person feels they can never do anything right?

(32) — Have frightening, unpredictable rages that make no logical sense — or have trouble expressing anger at all?

(33) — Physically abuse others, such as slapping, kicking, and scratching them?

(34) — Needlessly create crises or live a chaotic lifestyle?

(35) — Act inconsistently or unpredictably?

(36) — Alternately want to be close to others, then distance themselves?  (Examples include picking fights when things are going well or alternately ending relationships and then trying to get back together.)

(37) — Cut people out of their life over issues that seem trivial or overblown?

(38) — Act competent and controlled in some situations but extremely out of control in others?

(39) — Verbally abuse others, criticizing and blaming them to the point where it feels brutal?

(40) — Act verbally abusive toward people they know very well, while putting on a charming front for others?  Can they switch from one mode to the other in seconds?

(41) — Act in what seems like extreme or controlling ways to get their own needs met?

(42) — Do or say something inappropriate to focus the attention on them when they feel ignored?

(43) — Accuse others of doing things they did not do, having feelings they do not feel, or believing things they do not believe?

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Click here to read or to

Leave a Comment »

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

++++

Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame

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+THE TURNING OF A TIDE

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Monday, May 16, 2016.  Good day today.  Nice to be able to jump over that dead uncle triggering heap so quickly (yes, turns out, writing a blog post DID help).  Rest in peace, Uncle.  I mean that.  “Let the dead bury the dead.”

And I moved on….

My daughter fulfilled my wish list today when she bought me a 2’ x 3’ white dry erase board for my music composing!  It’s even magnetic!

Very sweet gift – which will do away with my sheets of paper taped to my walls all around my keyboard.

Today I nudged this song I am working on ALL the way out of its original interesting melding of Middle Eastern musical scale with Western diatonic scale so that it now lies squarely within a useful (flatfooted) plain old Key of C.  That’s OK.  I had great fun with it today!

Later I might play around with this “East meets West” thing.  At first this song appeared as IF it SHOULD have been in the Key of A – which it clearly was not.  There were no sharps or flats to be found anywhere!

But they WERE there – so I went online searching and quickly found that in Persian Middle Eastern music sharps and flats abound – differently from over here on our side of the ocean.

But this is part of the fun of these musical adventures.  With internet assistance I can instantly find musical facts that fit my need-to-know (which is vast).  At the moment I have a kind of “PS” piece to this bigger song that is just meant for kids of all ages to have fun with!

Kneading its beat led me to take a gaze at the beautiful Bach piece HERE – and then to a site that showed me that the graph paper I decided to use today for writing this ‘beat ditty’ makes perfect sense!!  HERE are some visual examples of the musical notation of RAP!

How FASCINATING!  Both of the styles of writing and of music displayed at these links are beautiful to me, indicative not only of the beauty of music itself, but also of the ‘turning into matter’ something invisible.  Giving patterns visual form that is – but it not – the music itself.

(I like to surround myself with books of piano music scrounged from rummage sales and thrift stores.  Not that I think about training myself to play those songs.  I think written music is a display of beauty of form and marking all by itself. I want them on my walls!)

Music is miraculous to me, although I listen to less and less of it the older I get.  I think in part that’s because if I give myself the time to LISTEN – there are other songs waiting for me to find them.

+

Other than what little bit I have managed to figure out on my own, I have no musical training.  That’s OK.  There’s joy in this for me and that is a very great thing!  Of course it helps that today was actually SUNNY without wind!

About time.

Speaking of time….

Melody takes nothing of effort it seems to me.  It’s the RHYTHM that I am working with (shovel, hoe and plow!).  I need to SEE “time” in order to “get this” the way I want it – the way I FEEL it – which is as difficult to capture for me as an invisible butterfly.

No different, I suppose, from trying to name any complex emotional configuration from within that does not ACTUALLY have a name.

We find these things, it seems.  Shifts in perceptions.  Focusing thought.  Yes, I have clocks.  I can tell time.

Or CAN I?

+

I wonder what music will be like 500 years from now.  I think we will invent instruments not imagined yet.  I don’t mean purely digital ones, either.  REAL instruments, ones that have body – like a glorious grand piano has body.  Real drums have body.  Shake the room vibrating sound waves kind of body.

Tomorrow I will think some more about how I can play my melody along with its bass notes – together at the same time – within the same middle 2.5 octaves.  High notes are too high.  Low notes are to low.  Hummmm…..

+

I am also wondering about this free MuseScore software – I asked my computer savvy son to look over this for me.  Hope he gets back to me on this so I don’t have to bug him!

+

Michael Jackson (did not read music, did not feel it was necessary (he recorded versions of his songs) – his music came out entirely whole, or “appeared” to him over time) – amazing – tribute link – you might need to copy and paste this into your browser –

http://www.nme.com/blogs/nme-blogs/the-incredible-way-michael-jackson-wrote-music/

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Click here to read or to

Leave a Comment »

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

++++

Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame

+SOME NUTS AND BOLTS OF ART THERAPY TRAINING

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Wednesday, May 4, 2016.  My art therapy training sessions with a “service provider” I will call Abby here in Fargo are going refreshingly well!  Many aspects of the practice are coming up for us to describe through a very natural process of art production and discussion.

It is fascinating to be working with a very healthy woman!  At the same time she is experiencing the process of creating images, many important aspects of “being a therapist” are appearing in her images.

I wanted to mention two linked and intertwined aspects of “being a therapist” (“being a healer”) that showed up in Abby’s art work today – 1) transference and countertransference, and 2) “the healer” archetypes.

Patterns and dynamics of therapy processes are about communication.  When limited only to verbalization processes the details of the nuances in the processes are much harder to track than they are through art work expressions.  Importantly, all aspects of the transference process work best for a HEALED  healer.  Art processes enable these patterns to become very clear and nearly tangible in image work.

For an art therapist countertransference will appear through doing one’s own artwork outside of sessions while focus is on session work, on the client and on the internal experience of the therapist.  This is an “evoking-evocative” process which allows “awakenings” within the therapist that will in-form the therapy work.

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In a healed healer those images can be trusted to be “echoes” of the processes a client is moving through.  They can clarify for the therapist deeper levels of meaning, connections and movement of the work going on in sessions.

Art therapy, when done near its peak maximum potential, is a kind of poetry (poesis).  This is a highly constructive and re-creational way of being in the world.  Every second in a session matters.  Every part of the session is a “telling” part of the image and speaks of the poetry of the work.  All words and related non-spoken exchange signals are also part of the wholeness of the image being expressed in an ongoing manner.  Every part is valued – and is OF value.

Transference (client to therapist) is an expected aspect of a therapy relationship.  Countertransference (therapist to client) also needs to be welcomed, appreciated, valued – AND understood.  These processes MUST be operating on the conscious level for the therapist, and art image making is a powerful way to bring this consciousness into focus.

Because art therapy (done correctly) is a superb medium of communication exchanges it WILL expose to light all that can be known of what is happening in therapy processes.  Not all at once, of course!  No therapy works that way­.  The art work is a specific record of the details of such a process along with whatever words are recorded in the poetic process of interacting verbally with the images.

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Probably up to and into the 1980s the term “wounded healer” was still accepted in reference to people who suffered in their own lives but could use all of their experiences of suffering and healing processes to help others heal.

At about the middle of that decade a shift began to appear which demonstrated that being wounded as a healer was no longer enough — or acceptable.

As time moves forward in the evolution of the maturation process of the human race we will eventually reach a point where civilization no longer will tolerate anywhere on the planet what so harms people today (and all life here on earth).

I anticipate this to be a many centuries-long process, but we ARE moving in this direction.

A part of this process is a paradigm shift reflected in the healed healer archetype.  We are ALL now able to work toward healing our own wounds COMPLETELY.  It is now the obligation, the moral and ethical responsibility of those working in any arena of “being a healer” to accelerate their own healing as they ALWAYS remain as consciously aware as they possibly can where their wounds still exist.

++

My own pathway through these processes led me to step away from any role connected to “being a healer” because I now understand too much about what the kind of horrific trauma of abuse and neglect did to harm me.

I have NO problem at all with being in the educator role for healers who have healed themselves such as Abby has done.  She will no doubt keep continual track of the state of her own health for the rest of her life to keep herself healthy.

Because I believe in God I believe it has been His Will in motion that has caused my and Abby’s paths to connect at this time.

The techniques and “theory” I am sharing through the art making and training process will inform Abby’s life and work in any way she chooses to use them.  Meanwhile I am freed from ANY worry that I am teaching someone who I would not see as healed-enough to call herself “a healer.”

I KNOW that Abby will only do good for other people.  I KNOW she will never harm anyone.  She is too healthy and whole to do so.

Such a delight!

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Click here to read or to

Leave a Comment »

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

Story Without Words is a forensic biography/autobiography in which the author, Linda Danielson, explores three generations of her family history to help understand the horrific abuse she was subjected to from birth at her mother’s hands. Her mother Mildred had a psychotic break while delivering Linda, her second of six children and the only one of whom she targeted directly for abuse. The delivery culminated in Mildred being convinced that Linda had been sent by the devil to kill her, and until Linda left home at age 18 for boot camp, she was subjected to unrelenting abuse.

Story Without Words is a creative and compassionate exploration of early factors that may have contributed to Mildred’s abusive trajectory. The author seeks to give words to her experiences as a child abuse survivor; Story Without Words is unique in providing the words of the abuser and the abused in one volume. The author seeks to provide insight for others who were themselves abused, professionals who wish to learn more about the inner world of survivors, and concerned individuals who wish to help stop the storm of child abuse in our society.

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Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame

+ANXIETY

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Tuesday, May 3, 2016.

Anxiety

anxiety comes creeping

black shadow like ink

over snow

or it comes like a blast

shocking

everything in its way

—-

maybe it wouldn’t matter

if I were a bird or a squirrel

or a frog

all such a creature is built to do

is react

moment to moment

as if there is

no tomorrow

—-

but I do notice

I notice in one instant I am

no longer feeling OK

as I was an instant ago

no warning

no notice

nothing I can determine in

this current life of mine

that brought this ink upon me

—-

and nothing I can think or

do

makes it go away

———————————

disturbed

a pair of wild geese

on high alert

honking

fly away together

—-

they feel what they feel

they deeply know to get away

there are no  questions

—-

only I ask

why?

— Anonymous

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Click here to read or

Leave a Comment »

++++

Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

Story Without Words is a forensic biography/autobiography in which the author, Linda Danielson, explores three generations of her family history to help understand the horrific abuse she was subjected to from birth at her mother’s hands. Her mother Mildred had a psychotic break while delivering Linda, her second of six children and the only one of whom she targeted directly for abuse. The delivery culminated in Mildred being convinced that Linda had been sent by the devil to kill her, and until Linda left home at age 18 for boot camp, she was subjected to unrelenting abuse.

Story Without Words is a creative and compassionate exploration of early factors that may have contributed to Mildred’s abusive trajectory. The author seeks to give words to her experiences as a child abuse survivor; Story Without Words is unique in providing the words of the abuser and the abused in one volume. The author seeks to provide insight for others who were themselves abused, professionals who wish to learn more about the inner world of survivors, and concerned individuals who wish to help stop the storm of child abuse in our society.

++++

Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame

 

+TWO SCALES IN COMBO ABSOLUTELY NEEDED! ADULT ATTACHMENT and ACEs

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Monday, May 2, 2016.  This is an excellent beginning read on a topic that is extremely important to me:

Infant-parent attachment: Definition, types, antecedents, measurement and outcome

By Diane Benoit, MD FRCPC – FULL TEXT free

Paediatrics and Child Health. 2004 Oct; 9(8): 541–545.

PMCID: PMC2724160

Abstract

Attachment theory is one of the most popular and empirically grounded theories relating to parenting. The purpose of the present article is to review some pertinent aspects of attachment theory and findings from attachment research. Attachment is one specific aspect of the relationship between a child and a parent with its purpose being to make a child safe, secure and protected. Attachment is distinguished from other aspects of parenting, such as disciplining, entertaining and teaching. Common misconceptions about what attachment is and what it is not are discussed. The distinction between attachment and bonding is provided. The recognized method to assess infant-parent attachment, the Strange Situation procedure, is described. In addition, a description is provided for the four major types of infant-parent attachment, ie, secure, insecure-avoidant, insecure-resistant and insecure-disorganized. The antecedents and consequences of each of the four types of infant-parent attachment are discussed. A special emphasis is placed on the description of disorganized attachment because of its association with significant emotional and behavioural problems, and poor social and emotional outcomes in high-risk groups and in the majority of children who have disorganized attachment with their primary caregiver. Practical applications of attachment theory and research are presented.”

Keywords: Attachment, Attachment relationships, Infant-parent attachment

++

A quick scan through the list of references at the end of this important article will show you a very simplified yet fairly clear idea of where my biases stem from.  It is very common among researchers and practionners of all sorts to leave out any mention or consideration of what you WILL see among those references – Disorganized-Disoriented Insecure Attachment.

Is this the worst, most hurtful of the insecure attachments?  No.  But except for the use of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) there is, to my knowledge, only one more inconsistently referred to and problematic type sometimes referred to as “Cannot Classify.”

All of these “lower” insecure attachment categories involve Disorganized-Disoriented patterns which are created around early abuse and neglect in infancy that forces a developing nervous system/brain to form dissociation within it.

An ACEs measurement in no possible way identifies ANY early attachment problems which, when they exist, have created a PRIOR condition long before any other ACE-related problem could come into play.  We ALL have to understand that early attachment FIRST forms the nervous system-brain, immune system, stress response system, etc. that is the BODY of the person whose processes DO experience a person’s life.

There is nothing I see in ACEs measurement that would let us know who is living from birth in an insecure attachment (0 through age 3) built body and who is not because at LEAST their mother-infant attachment was “good enough” birth to age ONE!

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See also:  The Adult Attachment Interview (AAI): Mary Main in a Strange Situation

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Does current ACEs “mania” further antagonize our cultural split between “body” and “brain” — as if such is possible?  As I see it, if the formative processes of early attachment relationships are not considered in our ACEs thinking we might as well pretend that we have no body at all!  Take a look at this very short video!!

Dr. Daniel Siegel Defines Mind

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I am increasingly concerned that not only does the ACE Questionnaire not have the ability to identify the MOST damaging aspects of troubled early life, but the risk of eliminating the most important sources of these problems cannot be identified, either.  That source is specifically the insecure attachment patterns built into MOTHERS who are likely to pass those patterns to her offspring.

In any case, I believe ACE findings will not have true power to inform if the most important section of time within which human critical development occurs (conception to age 4) cannot be targeted for assessment.  At the very least it must be made clear that this missing information greatly reduces the usefulness of ACEs.

Ignoring what we cannot easily measure or SEE (including in our memory) is going to continue to leave us in the dark.

(Also see comments to my last post — +IS THERE ROOM FOR AN ACEs DEBATE? (Long post) – April 29, 2016 – for some highlights of my thinking on this matter.)

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I have been searching around online to see what exists for an adult attachment scale.  So far I have settled on this article for the most helpful information about what’s available:

A Reliability Generalization Meta-Analysis of SelfReport Measures of Adult Attachment

By James M. Grahama, Marta S. Unterschutea

Department of Psychology, Western Washington University

Published online: 25 Jun 2014 — Journal of Personality Assessment

This article was downloaded by: [Northwestern University] On: 04 July 2014, At: 08:26 Publisher: Routledge Informa Ltd Registered in England and Wales Registered Number: 1072954 Registered office: Mortimer House, 37-41 Mortimer Street, London W1T 3JH, UK

FULL TEXT FREE

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It appears that this might be the most valid and reliable adult attachment measurement tool available:

The Experiences in Close Relationship Scale (ECR)-Short Form: Reliability, Validity, and Factor Structure

The article at this link gives the questions on the scale as they went through revisions from a 36- to a 12- question scale.

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As my daughter prepares to consider her doctoral dissertation topic I am naturally presenting to her my concerns about the failure of the ACE process to identify the so-important elements of early attachment as they ALONE can determine much of the well-being of a person’s life without EVER considering the other difficulties that are considered with ACEs.

I believe an important step that needs to happen before ACEs information can be made maximally useful is some research using at minimum a qualified adult attachment scale in combination with the ACEs questionnaire.  My daughter has the ability to figure out such a plan and to implement it should she do this NOW or sometime after her doctoral work is completed.

++

Part of what also concerns me is that “attachment” seems to be very loosely translated to being “social support.”  (When it comes to today’s world and what is happening to “attachment,” take a look at what these search terms will produce:  social media may serve attachment functions because)

Infants and very young children are most definitely NOT looking for or reliant upon “social support” unless we are willing to make such an absurd mis-connection between the two!  I would also not consider mate relationships parental relationships at any point on the age spectrum as being “social support,” either.  They  are attachment relationships, as are many true friendships and relationships with family members of all ages.

When it comes to this issue, or to the concerns I have about how ludicrous it seems to me to think the ACEs “movement” can account for those so-critical stages of early attachment growth and development by IGNORING them – I think our society is quite simply OFF ITS ROCKER!

++

Note:  It probably remains true that the Adult Attachment Interview  (AAI) is the ONLY accurate assessment tool.  It is impossible to use this as a general public instrument.  It was designed ONLY for research purposes.  There are ways, probably impractical, through which some combination of research using an adult attachment tool in combination with the ACE questionnaire could be “run through” a research filter accomplished by those trained and credentialed in administration and assessment of the AAI.

Given enough motivation, and enough money, SOMEONE could come up with a combination that would be able to test the validity of an adult attachment-ACEs interaction.  The AAI would have to be the way to do this at some point in an excellent research pipeline.

++

While assessing adult attachment is not a direct indicator of earliest attachment there is no doubt a strong correlation, and this connection cannot be ignored.

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Read comments  at this link –

Leave a Comment »

++++

Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

Story Without Words is a forensic biography/autobiography in which the author, Linda Danielson, explores three generations of her family history to help understand the horrific abuse she was subjected to from birth at her mother’s hands. Her mother Mildred had a psychotic break while delivering Linda, her second of six children and the only one of whom she targeted directly for abuse. The delivery culminated in Mildred being convinced that Linda had been sent by the devil to kill her, and until Linda left home at age 18 for boot camp, she was subjected to unrelenting abuse.

Story Without Words is a creative and compassionate exploration of early factors that may have contributed to Mildred’s abusive trajectory. The author seeks to give words to her experiences as a child abuse survivor; Story Without Words is unique in providing the words of the abuser and the abused in one volume. The author seeks to provide insight for others who were themselves abused, professionals who wish to learn more about the inner world of survivors, and concerned individuals who wish to help stop the storm of child abuse in our society.

++++

Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame