+ORDINARY MIRACLES

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Tuesday, March 15, 2016.  First – here’s a poem written 700 years ago by Hafiz that a friend sent to me this morning:  My Sweet, Crushed Angel

My friend told me “You are an angel” – which of course I do not FEEL.  But – that is really what this beautiful poem is all about!

She next sent me this poem – Aimless Love by Billy Collins

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Now – this – something another friend of mine discovered and sent to me.  I do not have a printer so I have to ask yet another friend to print this for me so that I can post it on my wall (I told her I don’t need this in color):  I LOVE pictures!

An ACEs Roadmap to Resilience – great visual of 23 steps to introduce a community to the powers of the CDC ACE trauma healing paradigm.  Personally, I believe there are ways to BEGIN to introduce ACE information that do not need to include vast amounts of money.  It begins with TALKING with other people!!

Which brings me to this link (again) –NOW is the time there are finally versions of the Paper Tigers movie for purchase by institutions as well as for screenings:  PURCHASE INFO HERE

Today I called to speak with the librarian of the small Arizona town that I call home about helping to add Paper Tigers to their collection.  The librarian will research the information I provided on ACEs, on Paper Tigers, and on the variety of licensing options available for institutional purchase of this movie.

I am hoping one library can buy it for the lowest $75 rate AND be able to circulate the DVD.  I hope to hear back from the librarian soon!  Please consider letting your local library along with school districts, universities – in your town/area about this film!!

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I would say today that I live in a very stinky part of town!  Yes.  I do.  Along with everyone else that happens to live anywhere south of the city’s dump.  Which is thawing out.  Which has not been turned, it seems, or buried since the ground froze here last fall.  And – then – here comes the slow moving perfect north wind.

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I was having a pleasurable breakfast with a friend this morning.  I was listening ardently to her talk about her life, her childhood – I am an ardent listener, not skilled in blocking what’s coming – sometimes – what I am going to react to with all my being.

My friend was speaking of great painful traumas when she was 11.  She spoke of having that history reawakened 24 years later.  She spoke of her amazement how things can be “put away somewhere” – and then BOOM!!!!

When the BOOM came – she FELT LIKE she needed to be wrapped tightly in a blanket, rolled up in one, held in some safe person’s arms – so that she could cry and cry and cry and cry

I say FELT LIKE – because there was nobody to do this for her

Dare I say – Of course not?

Well, all was going OK for me as the caring ardent listener until something RIGHT THERE in my friend’s story – and without warning — my stomach churned – and out the door of the restaurant I had no choice but to run.

I never saw it coming.

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Then there was someone else I know….  An email about an idea I have related to community ACEs healing….  An idea I am evidently not only  firmly passionate about, but also extremely sensitive to “rejection” about.

Shamed.  In essence I heard “What a dumb person you are to have such a dumb idea!”

OK.

Shame happens.  Now I feel even MORE shame that I felt SHAME in the first place and then more shame that I reacted to that shame – got hooked – responded back….

Oh.  Great.

My Sweet, Crushed Angel” – Within.  Without.

There is no perfect way to be human.  There is no perfect way to heal.  This.  Life.  Stink and all.  What an ordinary kind of magic.  What a miracle life is.  For all of us.  No exceptions.

I would like to BE better.  I would like to DO better.  That’s why there’s prayer.  That’s why there’s another day.  And forgiveness.  And apologies.  And tenderness.  And love.

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

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Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame

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2 thoughts on “+ORDINARY MIRACLES

  1. Whew. Holding out a blanket for you and you can do same for me! Such a triggered week of those memories that are not reembered.
    You are brave to have run out and I am so sorry! I am so with you on the shame and shamed for feeling shame. This week that is what has been for me and therapist ill so I cant ask for needed help just yet. How i want it not to happen again. Well we keep on.. with love! xxx

    • Hi dear – and YES!! I’ve been thinking yet again about how our trauma changes our empathy abilities – I care SO MUCH and am such a gifted listener – but the changes in my empathy systems mean that I SHOULD NOT listen to others’ traumas ‘cept in certain places, at certain times – and that public restaurant was not such a place or time!! I can’t NOT get triggered – and especially ’cause my friend was describing her father’s psychotic break. Now THAT kind of trauma is a HUGE trigger for me given my mother’s illness!

      I HATE it that ANYONE suffers!!! Love to YOU!!!! 🙂

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