+MOST IMPORTANT TRAUMA HEALING VIDEO!

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Saturday, January 30, 2016.  I am so grateful that somehow the timing of my need to know the truth about how what happened to me – the trauma of it for the first 18 years of my life – affected me that the SCIENCE was in the process of not only learning these kinds of facts but also that the miracle of the internet made the information accessible to me!!

And now I am refining my gratitude to include how amazing – and GOOD – it was that I had spent those 4 or 5 years studying what I could find about trauma and developmental neuroscience before I began to encounter the Centers for Disease Control’s (CDC) Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) research study and its findings.

I think this is all part of MY destiny.  I think these new learnings are a part of the destiny of the entire human race!  We are in the early years of the global maturation of the human race toward building for ourselves a peaceful, equitable world civilization.

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I just watched (yet again) what I believe to be the best presentation of the CDC ACE study research and application of those findings to healing – well – most ALL OF US that I think can be located anywhere on the planet!  Adverse Childhood Experience: ACES — Laura Porter

I just paused a YouTube video presented by the Institute for Safe Families of a talk given by the doctor who designed the CDC ACE study so I could write this brief post.

PLEASE at least watch Laura’s video!  There is nothing more important for us to know about intergenerational trauma and its healing!  Laura’s talk is clear and easy to understand – and if you are not already aware of the ACEs info along with ways to implement healing changes – you are in for a treat!

Need to know info!

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

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Leave a Comment »

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Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame

 

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+A LIFE MOSAIC

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Tuesday, January 26, 2016.  Thinking and experiencing, feeling and struggling, macro to micro and back again – and again – and again….

Makes me think of the Mobius Strip – a surface with only one side and only one boundary.

The Möbius strip has the mathematical property of being non-orientable. It can be realized as a ruled surface. It was discovered independently by the German mathematicians August Ferdinand Möbius and Johann Benedict Listing in 1858.

Intellectually I understand that all life is interconnected and that these connections exist as influences moving forward in time.  All that has happened in the past affects all that happens in the present which influences all that will happen in the future.  And in the middle of all of these grand movements are the movements of each one of us in our (seemingly) separate lives.

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After a three and a half months of living hell under those with one 6 year old boy who was, I suspect, entirely LOST as a child with very real essential needs not being met, the horrors of the constant running, thumping, banging, vibrating of ceiling and walls – as of last Saturday – ceased.

This process included yet another noise complaint call that I was forced to make to the police, and undoubtedly some serious threats of eviction to the tenant adults above me.  Whatever it is that has taken place in their micro world up there, someone is now paying attention to that child or he would NOT have stopped his horrible out-of-control desperate and incredibly LOUD and NOISY behaviors.

Now to see if this quietude lasts over time.

I am grateful.  I have been living in a hell like I could not have imagined.  Very bad for my anxiety!!!

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Now, another little note that might interest some readers.  In my last post I mentioned this herbal supplement — NaturalCare HearAll, Supports Optimal Hearing Function – which I purchased online and used at the recommended initial double doseage – until I let myself run out.

It is not cheap, and I had to make room in my poverty-based budget for its continued use.  Well, in the inward-outward Mobius Strip kind of way that life operates, having had the help form this product for nearly 3 weeks and now being without it until replenishment arrives, I have learned something very intriguing although I have no explanation for it.

Sometime within the past year of being ‘trapped’ in the circumstances I have chosen to endure during my tenure as active, involved grandmother to my 2 young grandsons, I began to have what I can only imagine would be called panic attacks.  This condition is purely situational, I am sure.

Without going down to the micro level of explanation about specifics except to mention that at times I wake several times a night with these ‘panics’ and feel that I am being crushed within a coffin, being buried alive, I will say that until yesterday when the Hear-All had completely left my system I had not suffered these attacks for nearly three weeks.

It intrigues me that I DID NOT once notice their absence during that time!  My body had returned to some kind of a physiological state that did not include their presence.  Only yesterday when such a panic attack hit me and did not diminish for over 10 hours did I recognize the connection so that I could credit my taking this supplement to help quiet the awful anxiety-related complexities of my trauma-altered-development with the amplifying problems that the tough cancer-chemo regime I went through 8 years ago seems to have had hearing problems!

So, simply put, I recommend this product to anyone who analyzes their life experiences with anxiety and who especially knows they have an early history of severe verbal abuse exposure.

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Off in another direction of the micro level of my current existence I want to mention an upcycled cd art-craft process that has captured my interest and attention recently.

There is a series of four related YouTube videos at this link.  They move VERY quickly so that I have found I must utilize an interactive learning process by pausing and rerunning each segment many times to see exactly what is being taught:

DIY MANDALAS – video series

I find it takes a kind of Mobius Strip online searching process, using terms related to “youtube cds suncatcher” to locate related tutorials.  In the midst of wandering around these lessons videos you will find ones that tell how to make a small nick with a sharp knife or end of scissors so you can use tape to stick to the silver so you can pull it off in pieces!!!

BUT, I am still trying to figure out how to remove the blue tint that appears on some stripped cds and not on others.  I understand that rubbing the surface with alcohol-based product does the job – but NOT quickly!

I bought thin drill bits to practice putting the holes at the edges of these cds so they can be hung – but I haven’t started THIS part of the process yet.

As you search around on related subjects there are amazing mosaics being created through upcycled cd and dvd techniques!!  There are also incredibly creative pieces of jewelry being formed using related techniques!!!

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Making things – crafty kinds of cheap-material things (on my budget) – is a survival operation that began, as I have mentioned in earlier posts, for certain by the time I was two years old.  Given the restrictions of my current city/apartment/winter/anxiety conditions for the first time in my life I am finding that it is very hard for me to focus even on my creative process.  I discredit much of this current difficulty to my having endured the neighbors above me and their sound-mess for quite some time (along with the fact that I have no reason to believe they will continue their quieter lifestyle.  AND why is that 6-year-old boy not in school?  Management thinks this might be because the adults in that boy’s life are too lazy to put him there.)

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A large part of the micro processes of my life right now are family oriented and are personal and private enough that I cannot write about them.

At the very bottom of this post I am adding something I recently discovered about “using prayer” in one’s life that I really enjoyed reading and thinking about – so that perhaps I can practice it!  Some readers might enjoy such a faith and spirituality topic reading.  Others might certainly not!!  I am in no way making any effort to challenge or persuade anyone about anything!

And thank all you to all this blog’s readers for your patience with how my current life situations are impacting my writings here!!!  Welcome!!  Your presence as readers is always greatly valued and appreciated!

(see more at bottom of post if interested)

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

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Leave a Comment »

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Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame

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An approach to prayer

“First Step – Pray and meditate about it.  Use the prayers of the manifestations as they have the greatest power.  Then remain in the silence of contemplation for a few minutes.

“Second Step – Arrive at a decision and hold to this.  This decision is usually born during the contemplation.  It may seem almost impossible of accomplishment but if it seems to be as answer to a prayer or a way of solving the problem, then immediately take the next step.

“Third Step – Have determination to carry the decision through.  Many fail here.  The decision, budding into determination, is blighted and instead becomes a wish or a vague longing.  When determination is born, immediately take the next step.

“Fourth Step – Have faith and confidence that the power will flow through you, the right way will appear, the door will open, the right thought, the right message, the right principle or the right book will be given you.  Have confidence, and the right thing will come to your need.  Then, as you rise from prayer, take at once the fifth step.

“Fifth Step – Then, he said, lastly, ACT; Act as though it had all been answered.  Then act with tireless, ceaseless energy.  And as you act, you, yourself, will become a magnet, which will attract more power to your being, until you become an unobstructed channel for the Divine power to flow through you.  Many pray but do not remain for the last half of the first step.  Some who meditate arrive at a decision, but fail to hold it.  Few have the determination to carry the decision through, still fewer have the confidence that the right thing will come to their need.  But how many remember to act as though it had all been answered?  How true are those words – ‘Greater than the prayer is the spirit in which it is uttered’ and greater than the way it is uttered is the spirit in which it is carried out.”

An approach to prayer, shared by Shoghi Effendi to Ruth Moffett.  Pilgrim’s Note cited in Principles of Baha’i Administration, 3rd ed. P. 90-91, 1973

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+REACTIVE INSECURE ATTACHMENT

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Monday, January 4, 2016.  The very essence of this blog is about changes our body was forced to make essentially from our birth forward – although life quality in the womb profoundly also affects everyone, as well.

We had NO choice but to react on the physiological level to all harm and deprivation that happened to us so long ago.  Because the impact of those traumas is literally BUILT INTO our body there is no way for us to escape those consequences so long as we live on this earth.

Some of the times of our life are easier than others are.  True.  But at no time can we go back to the beginning, place our self within a safe and secure attachment environment, and begin our physiological development all over again.  We will NEVER have the benefit from this kind of attachment that so many others did – and usually take so absolutely for granted.

Comments continue to arrive to this post written April 11, 2012 —

+ADULT REACTIVE ATTACHMENT DISORDER – THE GREAT UMBRELLA!

This is affirming to me at the same time I know very clearly that ALL of these problems for ALL of us who were forced through absolutely no fault of our own to have them, is a tragedy beyond compare!

There are many serious conditions of my lifestyle right now that are making my reactionary trauma altered development physiology suffer.  I write posts very seldom right now because of this fact.  I am here for very particular – and because those reasons deeply involve my family – precious reasons.  This fact does NOT make the truly difficult moments of my life right now easy to bear.

Having these latest comments come in on the above mentioned blog post DOES make my life easier to bear IN THE PRESENT MOMENTS of my endurance, and I thank everyone who writes those comments.  I do not believe that anyone – really – who is not a trauma altered Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) person can ever begin to even imagine what our lives have been and are like – with every beat of our heart.

Currently it is the horrendous continual noise above my head as I live “trapped” for the tenure of my apartment’s lease that is pushing me to the limits of my endurance.  I have one glimmer of hope.

A friend of mine from my home area in southern Arizona is a very knowledgeable herbalist person.  She has recommended this supplement, which I have ordered.  I so hope it will help calm some of my reactionary nervous system!!

NaturalCare HearAll, Supports Optimal Hearing Function

I am hoping with all within me that this supplement will help me!  It has been used successfully to ease hearing-related problems for both children and adults with autism.

I continue to marvel at the difficulties I now experience with NOISE!  I do know that because my psychotically mentally ill mother, who abusively hated me from birth, SCREAMED abuses at me from the start of my life that this – and the verbal abuse that continued for the next 18 years I lived with my family of origin – terrible harm was caused to me on many MANY levels, including very critically my physiological development.  (I suggest an online search for these terms:  “verbal abuse teacher” – this information is IMPORTANT!!)

Just as trauma in the earliest years of our life caused cumulative damage, so also does cumulative stress/distress cause us dire complicated reactions in our life now.  Having this family living above me now, who stays awake making noise often until 3 am making my sleep impossible, has GREATLY compounded the difficulties I was already having living in this northern city and in this confined, ugly place.

What can I do to help myself endure – better?  That is the question!!!!  That is my moment-to-moment task.  As hard as it is to read about the sufferings of other people, this DOES help me keep my life in perspective.

We are the heroes of our lives – and it is important that we share our reality with one another.  Thank you!

Now.  If those men above me would walk with lighter footsteps and TAKE OFF THEIR HEAVY WORK BOOTS IN THE HOUSE – well — Life goes on….  Some days and nights certainly do contain harder challenges than others do.

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  Click here to view or purchase–

Story Without Words:  How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?

It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.  A daring book – for daring readers – about a really tough subject.

++++

Leave a Comment »

++++

Tags: adult attachment disordersadult reactive attachment disorderanxiety disorders,borderline motherborderline personality disorderbrain developmentchild abuse,depression,derealizationdisorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorderempathyinfant abusePosttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factorsPTSDresiliencyresiliency factorsrisk factorsshame