Monday, October 12, 2015. I remember the years I felt enthusiastic writing posts for this blog. I was enthralled with hope and discovery. I was in a process of revelation as I devoured detailed information about the neuroscience of human development.
Then I began to sense the holes in what I was reading. What about THE REST OF US? Those of us who lived through hell from birth with nobody around to help us?
We were, it seemed, left at the bottom of paragraphs with a word or two that always seemed to include descriptions of inevitable doom wrapped around that single – horrible word – pathology.
Sometimes I would read entire pages and chapters without finding my points of personal resonance – but! There! Inevitably at the end? Pathological development.
And then I discovered that one article of Dr. Martin Teicher’s research group describing, in its essence, what I have come to know as Trauma Altered Development. These words appeared on my researching tableau at the same time I encountered “epigenetics,” although then, around 2006, I could find very little in the research about what that meant.
But. Teicher’s article!
I have traveled years now with this drowning-in-the-reality-of-truth information in hand, mind and heart: Severe early trauma survivors are not broken. We are not ruined. We are manifestations of the most vital intelligent-design-for-survival known to our species – over all the time of our existence. But our lives have always been very, very hard.
We ARE different from our more safely and securely attached, more benevolent-world-survival designed peers.
Then what? Now what? What is next?
I discovered the Centers for Disease Control’s (CDC) Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) research and its findings as mentioned in these posts:
NOW? Do an online search for these words – “ace interface training”
The top link that will appear will take you here:
There is now an opportunity for ANY and EVERY community in the United States of America to organize a local training in ACE healing-trauma so that the first 25 people trained are then able to themselves train others. This “movement” is beginning. It will spread like wildfire. This work will turn the tide on early trauma. It will reverse the storm!
Serious stuff. Hopeful. Powerful.
To get an idea of what is turning the tide, even reversing the STORM of the transmission of intergenerational trauma – PLEASE take a few moments to listen to these critically important words of Laura Porter about “the largest public health discovery” at this link! (This work is what the film Paper Tigers grew out of.)
I cannot imagine any more important information coming into public awareness anywhere on the planet at this juncture in the evolution of our species than what is presented in its essence in this talk:
To tell the truth about how I am reacting personally to the information I just posted above is more than I can manage to do. I am literally feeling overwhelmed. I think I could best describe my current state like this: I feel as though I contracted a most deadly disease, and have lived until my current age of 64 having learned everything I could about what has happened to me to give me this disease (dis-ease), what this disease has done to so harmfully impact me in my life, and I have lived as well as I can, nobly in a good way to the best of my abilities, but there has been no SERIOUS word about a cure until RIGHT NOW?
And – for me – the information we are now able to access is coming far far too late.
I am in transition. What I have always told myself I believe is at this moment being tested on every level of my being. If I REALLY care that the storm of early trauma is STOPPED – I have to care about EVERYONE!
What is happening now has power, as the words in the above video talk link will tell you, to change in powerful ways the quality of life of those in high-risk-for-early-trauma environments in – TWO generations.
I am in the do-the-work, provide-any-support and assistance I CAN generation.
But the deep grief that I believe ALL unsafely and insecurely attached severe early trauma survivors of ANY age feel – is at these moments being triggered.
Topmost in my thoughts are memories of myself at age seven when my parents began their great Alaskan mountain homestead extravaganza at THIS SPOT.
Being taken to that mountain saved my life. I have no doubt about that whatsoever. I had no human being to care a damn about what was happening to me at the hands of the psychotic, abusive madwoman who was my mother.
But I was able to bond to the depths of my being with the natural world of the Alaskan wilderness once we found THIS SPOT.
There are lots more pictures HERE – But these are the two pictures that are the portals for the expression of my place in this family.
In THIS ONE – that is me behind my father – the rejected, hated, spurned, horribly abused child who was by no fault of my own (although I could not know that) kept permanently in the hell my mother created to contain me within.
But it is THIS PICTURE that is at the top of the pile of misery that I cannot avoid having triggered after listening to the talk above.
You will see the “rest of the family” surrounding my brother on his birthday. I am standing rigidly in my little plaid flannel shirt like a cardboard prop pasted into the photograph. I KNOW what I felt like – TERRIFIED ALL OF THE TIME! Oh how I suffered ALL OF THE TIME!
I do not remotely wish to remember any of these things that happened to me from the first breath I was able to take in this world.
I was SEVEN in these pictures. When you listen to the talk (above link) you will notice that it is the brain/self developmental stage around seven, as it correlates with the information Dr. Martin Teicher has given to humanity, that this is the earliest point the “new movement” to end childhood trauma is focusing on (and then beyond through the adolescent stages).
What about the critically important brain building 0-1? From then on BEFORE the age of seven?
“We” aren’t there yet. But I DO agree with the idea that is would be the best place, the most essential place to begin stopping the storm of the transmission of intergenerational trauma to reach young people (as this talk describes) BEFORE they become parents themselves!
It is just that NONE of this work is going to “heal” me. My hope has to solidify and crystallize more than ever before on the next generations.
I am just caught in an incredibly complex storm of my own right now – unable to escape what all of this FEELS like to me – right now – in my body, in these moments of my aging life.
I have known for a long time that the healing for the generations has to start somewhere. It is starting NOW with the info I posted above. There is a kind of shock wave when such a storm begins its reverse. I am feeling THAT. In many ways. On many levels. And that is OK. Just not easy.
+GLOBAL RESPONSE TO LIFELONG EFFECTS OF EARLY TRAUMA IS GAINING STEAM
Here is our first book out in ebook format. Click here to view or purchase –
Story Without Words: How Did Child Abuse Break My Mother?
It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge.
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Tags: adult attachment disorders, adult reactive attachment disorder, anxiety disorders,borderline mother, borderline personality disorder, brain development, child abuse,depression,derealization, disorganized disoriented insecure attachment disorder,dissociation,dissociative identity disorder, empathy, infant abuse, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD),protective factors, PTSD, resiliency, resiliency factors, risk factors, shame