Friday, April 04, 2014. I am not fond of days when I have nothing constructive to say. I do not see that I am even able to think constructively today. I cannot even define for myself what I think constructive thought even is. But whatever it may be I am identifying its existence by its absence.
It is warmer here in the north but yet again it is cloudy. I do not do well in cloudy climates any more than I do in frigid ones. I continually struggle to think and feel positively in this place, as I have mentioned many times in my posts since I returned here last fall after a 20-year absence from the northland.
I have to try to focus on miniscule aspects of my existence right now to find the positives. There ARE positives. I am having a hard time tuning into them so that I can feel positive resonating within. Like trying to listen to a radio station that is too far out of range to dial into. Static. Neuroscientists might even describe what captures my attention as “brain noise.”
I am never a fan of noise!
Two words popped into my thoughts: chattering tires. I cannot remember the last time those two words appeared in my thoughts. No doubt they are tied to a message I am receiving from my creative right brain hemisphere in some kind of an image form.
I Googled the words. What is tire chatter?
One site defines it this way: “It is when you are trail braking hard on the front, and you get a nasty vibration or even sometimes a hopping sensation from the front tire!”
Another site says this: “Wide, ultra-performance radials when turning sharp at slow speeds may “chatter” a bit. The severity depends on the surface, but some chatter is to be expected.”
Or, do I want to learn what aviation experts have to say about brakes, tires and landing gear?
Not so much…..
I can tell from even this simple search that what I am experiencing has to do with GOING, rate of speed, STOPPING…. Oh, I get it. My stress response system is out of whack. Surprising?
Not so much….
I Googled “brain noise” and received many thought provoking replies.
How about Wickipedia on NEURONAL NOISE? “Neuronal noise or neural noise refers to the random intrinsic electrical fluctuations within neuronal networks. These fluctuations are not associated with encoding a response to internal or external stimuli and can be from one to two orders of magnitude. Most noise commonly occurs below a voltage-threshold that is needed for an action potential to occur, but sometimes it can be present in the form of an action potential; for example, stochastic oscillations in pacemaker neurons in suprachiasmatic nucleus are partially responsible for the organization of circadian rhythms.”
How about, “Our Startle Response and Noise?” Oh, I bet this one is getting closer to a description of my current state!
“Crucial to survival, this instinctual reaction to noise enables us to go from a deep sleep to a quick sprint in a matter of seconds. . . or to do battle with surprising strength. Today, however, our stress response is getting knee-jerked around by all the bells and whistles of modern civilization. From the clatter and jar of diesels and dump trucks, to chest-thumping teenage car tunes, noise is almost impossible to block. It’s very uncontrollability further adds to the stressful impact.”
I have NO silence solace in this place I live in – inside or out. The ventilation system in this building drones with a dull roar throughout my walls and ceiling. In this tiny place I cannot escape the noise of my refrigerator, either. I timed it yesterday. It runs every 15 minutes for 15 minutes 24/7.
There is NO quiet outside. NOTHING but traffic noise. I have also lost all the privacy I created for myself in my walled Arizona garden. No privacy outside. Not good for me.
My stress response system is NEVER quiet where I live. I hate cities. Period. My body tells me why and how all of the time.
Is this CHATTERING? Yes! I cannot stop the sound here. I tried earplugs. I can hear the droning in my apartment wearing them. I created 3 fountains that run all of the time in this one room I am living in. The water chatters as it flows – but at least I CREATED those fountains. I manage them. But this is all wearing on me.
I am on edge.
I need to remind myself that this is normal for me here.
Date: July 7, 2008 Source:Baycrest Centre for Geriatric Care
Summary: Canadian scientists have shown that a noisy brain is a healthy brain. “Brain noise” is a term that has been used by neuroscientists to describe random brain activity that is not important to mental function. Intuitive notions of brain-behavior relationships would suggest that this brain noise quiets down as children mature into adults and become more efficient and consistent in their cognitive processing. But new research overturns this notion.
June 19, 2012 — Moderate background noise enhances creativity and makes consumers more likely to buy new and innovative products, according to a new … full story
Sep. 6, 2011 — During sleep, our perception of the environment decreases. However the extent to which the human brain responds to surrounding noises during sleep remains unclear. Researchers have now used brain … full story
Sep. 28, 2010 — Playing white noise in class can help inattentive children learn. Researchers tested the effect of the meaningless random noise on a group of 51 schoolchildren, finding that although it hindered the … full story
Oh, and there’s this –
June 30, 2010 — Next time your brain plays tricks on you, you have an excuse: according to new research, the brain is intrinsically … full story
http://www.oxcns.org/b9_text.html Oxford University Press. ISBN 978-0-19-958786-5. The activity
of neurons in the brain is noisy in that their firing times are random when they are
http://www.livescience.com/2662-brain–noise-increases-age.html2008 … Noise in brain increases with age, could be sign of normal functioning.
So. I recognize that I feel trapped in this apartment in this city in this climate. I recognize that the feeling state that resonates within me about being TRAPPED goes all the way through the 18 years of psychotic abuse I suffered from Mother. She trapped me nearly ALL of the time one way or the other, which included massive amounts of isolation and confinements. TRAPPED is hard for me to ignore.
I have to turn to choices. I chose to come here. At some point I imagine I will choose to leave, hopefully to return to the region I left last October, although are many complications, nearly all of them tied to my poverty, about how any such transition can happen for me in the future.
Meanwhile I do look forward to the very NOISY percussion day event I plan to attend tomorrow followed at 4:30 in the afternoon by my second drumming lesson. I DO want to learn how to “chatter” my drumsticks as fast as I want to! Meanwhile….
Here is our first book out in ebook format. A very kind professional graphic artist is going to revise our cover pro bono (we are still waiting to hear that he has accomplished this job). Click here to view or purchase –
It lists for $2.99 and can be read by Amazon Prime customers without charge. Reviews for the book on the Amazon.com site
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