+DR. GORDON NEUFELD: THE WELL-BEING OF CHILDREN – A CLARION CALL

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Monday, February 17, 2014.  I could easily have written 50 posts over the past months about the information contained in just this one succinct article.  Nobody listens to me.  Does anyone listen to this gifted expert in the development of HEALTHY little people and thus of HEALTHY adult human beings?  It is IMPERATIVE that we pay attention to this information Dr. Gordon Neufeld is giving us!  Is anybody listening?

Nurturing children: Why “early learning” doesn’t help

Children should start attending school later, not earlier, Canadian development psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld reveals. “Early learning” programs for young children have no benefits for kids, he adds. So why are governments running down the opposite track?

by Andrea Mrozek, Manager of Research and Communications, Institute of Marriage and Family Canada

From the article at the above link:

“I want to make sure that my son learns how to get along with others,” one parent will say. Another will add, “My daughter is shy. I want her to be with other children, to help her come out of her shell.” A third might enthusiastically report that her child loves all her friends at daycare: “She can’t wait to go and spend time with them!”

These are just some of the things parents say when it comes to the benefits they see in the social settings that pre-schools, daycares and all-day kindergarten provide. Parents are rightly concerned about whether their children get along well with others.

However, is it true that early interaction with peers improves socialization for young children? Canadian developmental psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld says this is not the case, particularly in sending young children into “social” environments before they are ready. [1]

Defining socialization

The word socialization can mean different things to different people.

With regards to small children, Dr. Neufeld clarifies one thing that socialization is not: “Probably the greatest myth that has evolved is this idea that socializing with one’s equals leads to socialization.”

Developmental psychologist Urie Bronfenbrenner also clarifies what socialization is not: “It should be clear that being socialized is not necessarily the same as being civilized. Nazi youth were also products of a socialization process.” [2]

Socialization in childrearing means rendering children fit for society so that children can grow and mature into becoming contributing adults, who can respectfully interact with others in community, be it at work or home, with colleagues, family and friends.

Successful socialization is of particular interest where reports of bullying hit the media with some regularity. [3]

For Dr. Neufeld and his colleagues at The Neufeld Institute, socialization is more complex than simply being able to get along well with peers. [4] Socialization involves being able to get along with others while at the same time being true to oneself.

Please read the rest of this important article HERE!

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I have been howling into the maelstrom on this blog for years now about the preventable lifelong terrible consequences of trauma that is passed to our offspring by the people who are entrusted to care for them. 

As my awareness has grown to include the national crisis we have created in our neglect of understanding how earliest attachment needs of infants and children ARE NOT MET in all but the most select small home-centered day-care settings I find that the kickback to my efforts to pass on exactly the kind of information Dr. Neufeld gives us are most often met with extremely hostile, defensive and unsettling misinformation based on very select current research that “proves” that there are BENEFITS and NO HARM to little people who spend the majority of their waking early lives under the care of hired help rather than under the care of THEIR MOTHERS or another very qualified entirely safe and secure attachment person.

I have moved in my thinking and belief to consider that nearly every early care setting, especially for children under the age of four, that I have heard of is little more than a “day orphanage” situation.  HOW DARE I SAY SUCH A THING!?!?!

True, as so many seem to like to claim, for abused and poverty stricken (?) infants and children daycare settings MIGHT be “what saves” these little people from “doom.”  But, really!?  What kind of a bizarre twist is this to the fact that few women who bear children into the world “can” stay at home to care for them during their offspring’s most critical early developmental stages?

We can, as individuals and as a society, justify anything we want to.  We are doing exactly that in regards to how we are slinging “the facts” around to “prove” that it makes no difference whatsoever WHO takes care of our babies!

Dr. Neufeld stands on the opposite side of popular in this free-for-all.  I absolutely stand there with him.

There is nothing haphazard, willy-nilly or accidental about the way humans have evolved over the eons plus eons we have been moving into our future.  We have a very specific design that requires that very specific early needs be met in very specific ways at very specific times for us to “come out OK.”

There is such a small margin of error during the earliest months of human life for “messing things up” that it basically doesn’t exist at all.  There is a price to be paid – a HIGH price called A HUMAN LIFE – for neglecting to provide in intimate, loving, safe and secure relationships what little people need ESPECIALLY from conception to age three so that they turn out as close to FINE as is possible.

Otherwise – if we want to accept this fact or not – some degree of trauma altered development is going to take place as a little person’s BODY (and self) are forced to adapt to survive in a less-than-optimal “good enough” benevolent world.

We need to get “back to the drawing board” to redesign our “modern” society so that the needs of everyone can be met in the best way possible.  IS THIS POSSIBLE?  We will not find out if we do not take a hard look at the truth about what humans need to come out of their most critical early developmental stages – intact.

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This is a very important study whose findings hit the “press” today:

Years after Bullying, Negative Impact on a Child’s Health May Remain Longitudinal study shows negative, compounding effects of bullying

Who is tracking the longterm consequences of what daycare is doing to our children into unhealthy people?

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Here is our first book out in ebook format.  A very kind professional graphic artist is going to revise our cover pro bono – what a gift and thank you Ben!o Click here to view or purchase:  A STORY WITHOUT WORDS

It lists for $2.99 and can be read free for Amazon Prime customers.  Reviews for the book on the Amazon.com site are WELCOME and appreciated!

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Please click here to read or to Leave a Comment

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4 thoughts on “+DR. GORDON NEUFELD: THE WELL-BEING OF CHILDREN – A CLARION CALL

  1. Oh do I hear what you are saying in this writing! I hear it loud and clear. I made the decision LONG ago that I was not going to be a parent because I knew I would not be able to bring a child into this world and have the ability to provide for its every need on a continuous and healthy basis. I could not agree more with your statement about the small margin of error and the very high price of messing sh*t up FOR A LIFETIME. Obviously I’m paraphrasing in that last sentence.

    Interestingly, I have been accused of being selfish and arrogant for realizing my reality long ago and deciding that parenting is not a good idea for me or the little human(s) I would be responsible for! Why do so many others fail to recognize that they may not be fit to parent? I guess it would be the overwhelming drive to procreate? Pressure from parents to become grandparents? Pressure from society?? I don’t know.

    My heart sinks when I hear of working married couples who start families. Dad never stops working, Mom gets to stay home for as long as maternity leave dictates. After Mom returns to work, the very young child gets shipped off to some foreign place called day care to spend LONG hours with strangers. WHY? HOW IS THIS A HEALTHY WAY TO BRING CHILDREN UP IN THE WORLD?? If at least one parent cannot be home all the time to raise the child(ren), one has to ask if there is really any basic parenting going on!

    I could go on and on but I won’t. Thanks for another thoughtful and important post, Linda. I wish every single person would hear you.

    • I am very glad to hear your “companion” words here today. There is a batch of so-important info along these lines in a long and expensive cd set my friend shared with me – not transcribed and not in book form and I so wish it was! I don’t think Neufeld can even keep up with himself – what comes out in talks that is not in print — anyway – in some ways I wish I didn’t know what he says – the truth about what’s happening the way our culture is raising kids…

      It troubles me greatly and my concerns only grow worse. We are SO GOING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION!!! Perhaps I will be able to pull that info together succinctly – right now I don’t even know where my copy of those cds are – meanwhile! I am very glad for your affirmations – my oldest daughter made the same decision you did about not becoming a mother. It was a wise one for her!!

      Have a very good day and I will work to do the same!!!

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