Friday, January 3, 2014. Good morning readers wherever you are! Some of you have chosen to subscribe to this blog during my absence due to my recent major move. I am affirming to myself that should you now choose to unsubscribe I can choose not to take this personally as some shame-filled reflection on my flaw-ness as a writer or as a human being! Thank you for visiting here!
When a person embarks on healing the changes that then follow can be “dysregulating,” disorienting and disorganizing to our sense of ourself in our life because all of us with early relationship traumas during our most-rapid developmental stages of life suffer from some sort of insecure attachment disorder. I believe it is important for us to define ourselves from our core self point of view when we can as we live our life even though our “symptoms” may make it most difficult to even know who we are — let alone anyone else.
In order to Stop the Storm of intergenerational transmission of trauma we must include a perspective on the degree of health and lack of health that exists within the community we reside in — and that includes ever-increasing circles of culture and society that powerfully influences how all of us see ourselves and the world.
I am going to backup and publish the collection of blog post notes that I have accumulated on my white legal pad of paper so that those words are retained here while the paper itself is recycled through the indoor worm compost containers I am trying to establish in my tiny apartment! Yes, I can FEEL the wonderful life of those humble and most important creatures within my current living space. My hope is to create soil to place in buckets on my greatly reduced garden space — and 8′ by 8′ cement slab outside my west-facing sliding glass door.
That soil is also feeding my motley collection of plants in here which include walking onions and grass garlic along with many aloe plants that will find their way into my green vegetable juices. Flowers? Well, as space allows. My gauge on light health in this far northern place is the health of my plants which reflects the health of the environment I am trying to grow myself in along with my grandsons. (It is again minus 30 degrees outside with windchill this morning.)
I certainly have no answers to the complexity of life that everyone faces. I am most gratified that I found an apartment complex that is at least 75% full of refugees from around the world. They have found their way to American sanctuary from Samoa, Sudan, Haiti, and Cambodia. There is thus a flower garden of humans surrounding me and I hope eventually to meet some of these people personally. So far they have all been most friendly and considerate when I encounter them around the place.
In spite of the wickedness of this northern Plains winter they have found hope and safety probably for the first time in their life. I am reminded of the fact that when I left home at 18 and escaped the psychotic abuse of my mother toward me by entering Navy boot camp I thought and felt as though I had died and gone to heaven! I recognize that feeling even as I sense it pervading the giant Wal-Mart store where many of these refugees work and shop four blocks from where I live.
I am reminded of the depth and of the breadth of trauma around this world. I am also now completely savvy to the fact that it is the quality of human attachments that most greatly determines the success of surviving trauma. Without safe and secure attachments to other humans trauma WILL change our physiology at any age but most definitely during the critical developmental years of infancy and childhood.
All of us as early severe trauma survivors — and many with later severe trauma experiences — live daily with the reverberations of terror and threat in our physical body. We have plenty of opportunities during any given day to work toward stopping the inner storm that our trauma survivorship has left us with. Each encounter matters. Each moment we can congratulate our self on still being here with our good intentions in life counts toward making the world a better place for all life now and in the future.
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