I was formed in the womb of my mother and then born into the womb of this world as we all are.
This world. This second womb. The place where our soul grows. If we let it.
I realize at this point in my life as I take response-ability for trying to let my body heal itself that this detoxification cleansing process confines me to the womb of my home (if not its bathroom) for however long this healing journey takes.
I can go nowhere. I am so appreciative of having a home, of having this time I need to go through what I am hoping will be a transformation of this human marvel that lives in connection with my soul. “Go with the flow” could not be a more apropos description of this healing work.
My early trauma related disabilities have already shrunk my world. This detox has shrunk it temporarily even further. I have a cell phone so at least I can talk to people, and I can email. My computer and Facebook are at war with one another so my contact with friends and family is erased through that avenue. At least that’s the only website where the computer freezing problem seems to lie.
I am in a hospital of one. I am both physician and patient. And boy this healing requires patience!
As I have been writing in my recent posts I am also mothering myself in the purest and most basic ways possible. (I am also having body memories returning regarding my difficulty quitting smoking and my increasingly difficult breathing patterns as they connect to my psychotic Borderline Personality Disorder mother (see previous post) placing her giant hand over my tiny nose and mouth when I cried – from birth. And she did not do so gently.)
My world is very quiet and I need that. I am being assisted in my rest times by Netflix streaming of 180+ episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation which I have never watched before.
I am looking around my home today asking myself, “Is this what you want your home-womb to look like? Do you actually want all this stuff in here?” The detox of my home is moving forward very slowly – but it also happening.
I thought a few days ago that I would be moving far away to live near family, but their plans might take them even further away – and all is currently on hold. Many people seem to be on the verge of change. Maybe there is a kind of cosmic force that is assisting those of us who are willing to move in new positive directions.
Big changes as destiny calls for — when that call comes it is hard to ignore it. What forces ARE at work? What new lessons and teachings for our soul?
It’s best to be reasonable and cautious, to investigate and consider all fronts when changes beckon. I am waiting. I am healing. I am patient. That is good.
Patience is a quality, a virtue of the soul that helps it mature so when it leaves this womb of the material world it is better developed to thrive in the next world.
This world. Our testing field. Our education. Our time and place to make our choices for good or for ill. To learn or not to learn. To be healthy and strong as a soul when we are born into our forever world — or to end up there a deprived spiritual cripple. I ask myself — “How am I doing in all of this?”
I need my body healthy as I prepare for turning 62. I cannot see what lies ahead. But I am preparing. I want to do what I can through my actions to help my body be at peace with itself.
So strange to me that we have so institutionalized sickness feeding billions of billions of dollars to a system that in the future will be seen as being primitive, ignorant and perhaps truly evil. Vast areas of truth are withheld from us regarding our health needs by that system that does not benefit at all by having us take control of our health leaving them out of our life cycle.
Accurate health and healing information is available when we are ready to take it in but it will not come from “modern organized medicine” practices!
Youth of itself is a great protector but aging, remaining alive here in the womb of this world eventually requires more conscious choice and willful action of us to keep on going without falling apart.
Where are our gentle cleansing and educational centers? Why do we insist at being stupidly shocked as so many people we love and know (and ourself) become attacked by one kind of devastating ailment after another?
We then talk about the sickness, the doctor appointments, the fear, the treatments and surgeries and drugs drugs drugs.
Why do we not face the fact that health is normal and sickness is NOT? We are not passive victims in our life. We make choices that keep us well or that make us sick.
But becoming healthy and remaining so is not about a one-stop, one-shop endeavor. Nobody can do this for us. Being alive healthy is about living a healthy life. And I now realize I need to jump rivers when it comes to everything about my diet. EVERYTHING! I ran my body as far as it will take me and without the changes in how I eat and drink I see the crash coming. It is not a pretty sight.
At my age I know the sick, the dying, the dead.
Yes, our body and our soul will inevitably part company. I am seeing around me the sickness and suffering that so often precedes death of the body. Life then becomes a hell on earth.
I don’t want to live in a way that will directly cause me to die that way. (Yes, accidents happen but that’s an entirely different matter.)
An infant in the womb of its mother has to suffer what it cannot change. I can change much even though the trauma changes during my development cannot be reversed.
My body has been patient with my mistreatment of it. I hope with hope I have not passed the mile marker down the road of my life beyond which I cannot reclaim my health. My soul has wrested my motivation out of the grips of my depression. It has also opened my eyes to the truth that in order to remain in this world with a body in “good enough” working order I better continue with these changes.
My choice for healing is the plan based on the work of Shelley Redford Young and Robert O. Young, who wrote The pH Miracle: Balance Your Diet, Reclaim Your Health
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