Some people are carriers of story. We are challenged by our life to transmit that story we carry. When the thought first hit me last night that I am a ‘carrier’ of something that demands to be ‘transmitted’ I felt an icky kind of fear as if what I have is some kind of disease. Well, truth is, it is exactly a story of dis-ease that I do have to transmit. That fact does not taint me. That fact does not mean I am flawed, contaminated.
I ask this early morning, “What pressures do I receive from the culture I live within that would make me first feel that carrying a story that I am deeply moved to transmit makes me ‘less than’?”
I have written all over this blog that I believe trauma does not let go of humanity until we learn its lessons about how to keep that kind of trauma from ever happening to anyone among us again. I believe that as the story contained within any experience of trauma is both told and listened to with care so that a resolution for that trauma can be found, the trauma will resolve itself. The trauma will heal.
For severe early abusive trauma survivors the portion of healing we can experience by telling the story we carry is realistically limited in many ways. Our body on all levels including our brain has been ‘tampered with’ by trauma that changed how we physiologically developed. There is no magic in this world that will restore our body-brain back to what it SHOULD have been had trauma not grabbed us into its ‘awe-full’ talons when we were born.
Which leads me to tell of the image I ‘feel’ inside my body this morning: This story I have to tell sits inside of me like a waiting eagle. As I give the story words that eagle stretches out its wings and rises from its perch of rest to soar so high I can no longer see it soaring.
I mentioned something someone I name Q emailed to me recently: “The point is, I don’t wish to be involved in your book writing process…. I have a full life and do not wish to be involved with the process – whatever it is. If, on the other hand you ever have anything positive to say about anyone do not hesitate to write me.”
Perhaps if I did not have to justify to myself that I am a carrier of a story that demands I transmit it, I would not have been bothered in the least by what this person had to say. In my next post I will have more to say about “Duct tape for the soul.” That image comes into my thoughts here because I know that my culture struggles with what version of ‘the truth’ we want to hear, want to pay attention to, want to honor, want to listen to, want to learn from. Our culture distracts us or stops us from telling stories it does not want to hear.
At the back-end of a story is an audience. Separating the telling of a story from the reactions of the audience can be a difficult process. At the front-end of a story is the teller-writer. If the story is like this eagle perched within, all I need to do is free the eagle to soar where it will. I do not direct its flight.
It takes courage to let a teaching story out. In my own self-image of the story I carry I draw upon the courage that exists in the story itself. This story I carry comes complete with the courage it takes to tell it. We accompany one another. We are a part of one another. It is my job to set that story free.
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