I have had another change in my thinking this morning as I prepare to write book one of “The Demise of Mildred” series, in which I need to place what I have so far always thought of as ‘my stories’ about child abuse I experienced at the hands of my mother, Mildred.
What have I been thinking?
These are not STORIES! What I have to say does not belong to any genre related to stories!
As I mentioned to a blog comment this morning, what I have to say should have been written in police reports. What I have to say is a description of crimes committed against me. These are not stories!
Why would I ever feel – why have I felt in the past – that I need to write what I have to say about the truth of what Mildred did to me in some kind of ‘entertainment’ format for any reader, even for myself?
All of a sudden today – TODAY! I realize how sick my thinking has been, even though I have never before today been aware of it. I figured out some years ago that the crimes of physical attack and assault Mildred did to me should have earned her a minimum 15,000 year jail sentence. Yet I still understood that what I might say about these assaults would ‘only’ be a story?
How minimizing is THAT? How inaccurate! How ‘inside the abuse’ has my own thinking been all these years!
Just because what I know might exist inside a memory does not mean what I know is ‘a story’. What I know is a record of crime.
I needed this clarification in my thinking before I begin to present any kind of a record about the truth about Mildred that no reader will see in her own writings – ever. I know that in order for this book to be created I have to be as clear as I possibly can be about what I expect myself to do – and why I expect myself to do it.
I am my own witness. As the victim of child abuse crimes I will always be the best witness to what was done to me. I experienced and I witnessed CRIMES. Those crimes will only ever be recorded as I record them. What I will say, then, will be in the form of statements for the record. There cannot possibly be any ‘entertainment’ value in that kind of writing.
OK – so I have to think about this some more – from my new point of view…..
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