Mildred wrote to her husband, June 26, 1957: “…the terrible loneliness for you follows me everywhere I go. There’s no escape from it.” — Mildred is being pursued by her terrible loneliness with no escape. This kind of loneliness was a predator. Mildred had been its prey since her birth. Yes, she had survived. She was alive. But at what price? How many people among us are chased through their entire life by this kind of loneliness?
My parents: Two lost selves, too lost selves a-spin alone together in a universe that makes no sense to either one of them. Both born unwanted and unloved, mis-loved mal-loved babies. Both raised in an early world without the warmth-glue of love that allows a self to be born into the world in wholeness.
The truth in the words my parents are speaking to one another is profound. Their truth is no less true for being in BPD-matrix litany code. There are secrets to the heart that continue to exist as long as the body that holds it remains alive. It is the complete lack of conscious awareness of their meaning and of their source that reflects my parents nearly complete brokenness. And NOBODY NOTICED!
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