+RISKS….

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I THOUGHT it was my right, choice, privilege to post a link with a title to my posts to my Facebook home page.  True, my topics are very probably not universally interesting to every one of my FB friends.  But, then, I have assumed that everyone that might receive my postings was/is adult enough to simply hide my blog posts from their view or in some other way adjust their filters should they be bothered in some way by postings related to early trauma and abuse — survivor life — and healing.

I was, therefore, completely unprepared for direct, nasty and viscous attacks back to me in comments and email in response to my most recent posts appearing on ‘his’ FB homepage.  I have ‘unfriended’ this person – in every way – since those attacks, even though a day later I did receive a telephone call of apology and ‘amend’ (asking me for forgiveness) for those 4 attacks.

I am left in part thinking about trust.  Someone told me nearly 40 years ago, “Trust is like a fine China plate.  Once broken it can never truly be repaired.”  I agree – although I might ‘wish (upon a star?)’ this were not so.

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I am not at all sure I dare ever post a link on my FB page again to any post I write.  I had been taking the risk that someone might have negative thoughts about me/my topic – and perhaps they have though I have never known of any disgruntled FBers until now.

Has anyone related/connected to my FB page ever found any post I have written helpful or useful to self or other?  I cannot know.  I have always hoped so.

Dare I risk offending someone else, someone again?  Not today.  (Have I been mistaken — and my FB account is not really mine after all?)

Am I wrong in thinking if people don’t want to see ANYTHING I post on my FB page — it is their responsibility to delete/hide/’unfriend’?

What kind of ‘boundary issues’ have been triggered for me by this man’s attacks?

Do I feel like prey – having been attacked by a predator?

Truth is – yes I do.

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I have had it happen before in my life that someone in a 12th step program — in alliance with the program’s principles of taking personal inventory, admitting ‘wrong doing’ and ‘making amends’ — has approached me in their effort to accomplish all or some part of ‘their program’.

Yet, to me, apologizing or making an amend has nothing whatsoever to do with ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS from the ‘wronged one’.

I smile and say, “Sure, I forgive you” when I am really amazed at what seems to be a selfish request to be forgiven IMMEDIATELY without even being given a second’s notice to even begin to THINK about this other person’s concerns and about my reaction.

Forgiveness of anyone is MY concern — and I always sense a boundary violation in action when someone else makes their ‘amend’ while at the same time demanding (really – and could add a vision of some foot-stomping going on) that I be ‘a good person’ and forgive this other person (RIGHT NOW!).

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Just one of my pet peeves, I guess…..  But I am sure that forgiveness is not anything (for me) about ‘making up’ or necessarily about restoring any kind of a friendship/relationship with someone who has attacked me.

I feel like I have finally seen the REAL side of this person I am writing about.  I have only know this person peripherally – as an acquaintance.

Now?  Zero.  “Tut fini,” as my sis says – “It is finished.”   Forgiveness in no way means I will put myself back in line for any possible risk of attack in the future.  Not gonna happen!

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6 thoughts on “+RISKS….

  1. Oh, Linda! Very sorry to hear of your experience. This guy sounds like a real jerk. As you have pointed out, everyone on FB is free to make their own experience. For me, this has sometimes meant that I’ve had to unfriend people, and other time simply block posts or choose not to “like” their posts so I seldom see them. I strongly support the idea that the FB experience “belongs” to each FB user, as we all choose to use it slightly differently. Your decision to post links to your blog or not is part of what makes the experience unique to you, just as others’ choice to see the links (or click on them) is their choice. I hope this doesn’t happen to you again.
    Lotsa love,
    Your Sis

    • I don’t like it about myself that it seems I get knocked easily out of my saddle – that’s my own ‘problem’ – but I do find comfort in support and encouragement, perspective, information — thanks – I don’t know if I have the nerve to put links to the blog back on fb – time will tell….. xoxoxo, sis!

  2. So sorry you were terrorized by a FB pal. I personally don’t post an of my Blog posts on FB, nor are my accounts linked. Some of my friends follow by blog but for the most part I keep this part of my life to myself – everyone knows I have mental problems but it’s one of those subjects…to me these are YOUR arenas & therefore your judgment calls. Obviously this guy was a prick. Yes, if I have friends posting about stuff I don’t want to to hear, I filter them out. If they’re peripheral & never hit “like” on anything I post, I eventually delete them as stalkers. SO I think you should do whatever you feel – these are your avenues, outlets & you shouldn;t feel confined with them. It is your power to yield. And your power to tell the guy to piss off, or anyone else who pulls this crap.

    Yes, your material is very disturbing. I am taking my time reading it because of the brutality, its giving me some emotional flashbacks. But I think they need to be written & need to be read – by the appropriate audience. Our Facebook pages are not “captive” audiences – they can delete us or filter us. It’s their choice. If they aren’t interested or can’t handle it they should act like adults.

    Just my 2 cents, sweetie. Sorry you were accosted. Not F’N cool!!!!

    • !!!!!
      xox

      You sound good – hope so! thanks for visiting – sometimes – what I suspect might seem simple to others (reactions, actions) just seem so complicated to me! I ordered the movie, Temple Grandin to watch again from Netflix – have you seen it? Sometimes I ‘feel like that’ – I am tired – just have to wait 42 more minutes for the bread machine to finish and then off to the land of nod it is for me!!

      great to hear your ‘voice’!! thanks

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