I THOUGHT it was my right, choice, privilege to post a link with a title to my posts to my Facebook home page. True, my topics are very probably not universally interesting to every one of my FB friends. But, then, I have assumed that everyone that might receive my postings was/is adult enough to simply hide my blog posts from their view or in some other way adjust their filters should they be bothered in some way by postings related to early trauma and abuse — survivor life — and healing.
I was, therefore, completely unprepared for direct, nasty and viscous attacks back to me in comments and email in response to my most recent posts appearing on ‘his’ FB homepage. I have ‘unfriended’ this person – in every way – since those attacks, even though a day later I did receive a telephone call of apology and ‘amend’ (asking me for forgiveness) for those 4 attacks.
I am left in part thinking about trust. Someone told me nearly 40 years ago, “Trust is like a fine China plate. Once broken it can never truly be repaired.” I agree – although I might ‘wish (upon a star?)’ this were not so.
I am not at all sure I dare ever post a link on my FB page again to any post I write. I had been taking the risk that someone might have negative thoughts about me/my topic – and perhaps they have though I have never known of any disgruntled FBers until now.
Has anyone related/connected to my FB page ever found any post I have written helpful or useful to self or other? I cannot know. I have always hoped so.
Dare I risk offending someone else, someone again? Not today. (Have I been mistaken — and my FB account is not really mine after all?)
Am I wrong in thinking if people don’t want to see ANYTHING I post on my FB page — it is their responsibility to delete/hide/’unfriend’?
What kind of ‘boundary issues’ have been triggered for me by this man’s attacks?
Do I feel like prey – having been attacked by a predator?
Truth is – yes I do.
I have had it happen before in my life that someone in a 12th step program — in alliance with the program’s principles of taking personal inventory, admitting ‘wrong doing’ and ‘making amends’ — has approached me in their effort to accomplish all or some part of ‘their program’.
Yet, to me, apologizing or making an amend has nothing whatsoever to do with ASKING FOR FORGIVENESS from the ‘wronged one’.
I smile and say, “Sure, I forgive you” when I am really amazed at what seems to be a selfish request to be forgiven IMMEDIATELY without even being given a second’s notice to even begin to THINK about this other person’s concerns and about my reaction.
Forgiveness of anyone is MY concern — and I always sense a boundary violation in action when someone else makes their ‘amend’ while at the same time demanding (really – and could add a vision of some foot-stomping going on) that I be ‘a good person’ and forgive this other person (RIGHT NOW!).
Just one of my pet peeves, I guess….. But I am sure that forgiveness is not anything (for me) about ‘making up’ or necessarily about restoring any kind of a friendship/relationship with someone who has attacked me.
I feel like I have finally seen the REAL side of this person I am writing about. I have only know this person peripherally – as an acquaintance.
Now? Zero. “Tut fini,” as my sis says – “It is finished.” Forgiveness in no way means I will put myself back in line for any possible risk of attack in the future. Not gonna happen!
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