+CHAOS AND BUTTERFLIES: WHAT BROKE MY BPD MOTHER?

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There is no known answer for my question, “What made Mother a Borderline?”  Yet I still ask this question because I believe the answer DOES exist.

I have lived long enough now at age 60 to be able to say Mother’s abuse of me took place during less than one-third of my lifespan.  But for those who have been severely traumatized by outrageous abuse, we know that 18 years of being terrorized daily is a LONG long time.

My Mother’s specific psychosis regarding me as the devil’s child happened during her labor with me.  Her Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) existed, I believe, a long time before that day in August of 1951.

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NOTE:  WordPress introduced a formatting error here (below) that I cannot correct – hence the all-BOLD type!

+MY MOTHER’S CHILDHOOD STORIES

I believe as I have said many times before that the signs of Mother’s later terrible BPD disease already existed by the time she was ten years old and writing the stories at this link.

I have also said many times that during Mother’s stage of what is called ‘Theory of Mind (TOM)’ development, life had already overwhelmed her.

Mother was very actively engaged as she wrote her stories in understanding how minds worked – and how people (or animals, or towels!) acted in response to what was known about the world.  In fact, her stories describe multiple and complex layers and levels of interactions involving TOM.

So much of how/who people are in the world seems to be taken so much for granted.  And yet when things go as terribly wrong as they did for Mother, it can prove a fertile field of understanding about BPD to investigate closely how her mind was already showing signs of deep trouble in her childhood.

Mother was presented with too much complex information – and presented with both traumatic information and erroneous explanations as her writing in my last post presents.  Nobody was honest in Mother’s childhood.  How could she develop a TOM that included honesty at her own young age?

Check out this video on Chaos Theory and the Butterfly Effect

Who is to say what broke Mother?  No, life is NOT linear.  Yet while I cannot know what broke Mother – and turned her into a raging abusive monster – I know it happened because of events that happened before she wrote her stories – long before I was born.

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