In following my previous post and its comments I note that in my mind all of the so-called ‘stress responses’ are first of all physiological reactions to breaks in our ongoing experience of ourselves in our life. Dr. Allan N. Schore, an important developmental neuroscientist, refers to these breaks (or breaches) as RUPTURES that are then in need of REPAIR.
These are some of the links on this Stop the Storm blog about Schore’s work:
These posts are also related:
It seems possible to me that in essence every human ‘stress response’ is a ‘shame’ response in some way (which includes the ‘fawning’ response I mention in my previous post). It seems possible to me that humans are designed to KNOW what BEST is. We know what goodness is, rightness, health, peace and calm IS — so that anything that happens to us that interrupts this BEST state is — actually — A SHAME!!
We are built to live well.
We are built to be healthy.
We are designed to be HAPPY!
Yet ‘life’ is often a great disappointment as one thing after another jumps into our life-living pathway to ‘upset’ us so that we have to respond IN SOME WAY in order to reestablish this very NICE state we are born to desire above all else — for our own self and for everyone and everything else on this planet.
Yes, because these states of being are essentially of a spiritually astute nature we most often FORGET our own reality. We do NOT REMEMBER that we are destined to be good people living wisely in a peaceful world.
Of course being physical beings in a physical world (at this stage of our earliest development as souls) means that all kinds of ‘natural disasters’ CAN happen. Accidents happen. Things surprise us and interfere with our attempts to live an ongoing life of peaceful calm. (And, yes, from this point of view being born to parents who cannot love us and instead harm us greatly is, on the level of what our soul knows, a GREAT SURPRISE!)
According to the way we were built during our first months and years of our lives, our nervous system (including our brain) will respond to interruptions in our ongoing experience of being alive – a response to ruptures in goodness that need to be repaired — in the best way that we know how.
Survival is the end goal – one way or the other — and the patterns of healing of old wounds and traumas that we use moment to moment throughout our lives CAN be changed. Yet for survivors of unsafe and insecure early attachment relationships/environments greater effort than ‘ordinary’ is nearly ALWAYS required of us to find the best ways possible to respond to challenges to the state of peaceful calm that most early abuse and neglect survivors — have never known before!
Peaceful calm – sounds so clear and so simple — but this state is built into our body brain from the moments of our beginnings as physical beings — OR NOT!
Some of us don’t even know what this state of being actually feels like. We have to discover ways to learn what peaceful calm is — how to ‘get there’, how to ‘return there’ when something big or little troubles us, and how to best ‘stay there’ as much as we can.
“Every road leads to Rome” – so with therapy or without it if our personal goal is to heal, we will find ways to accomplish our intention.
And, at this moment, I need to finish preparing to leave my home this morning to drive into town to our local Farmers’ Market – to look for some in-joyment in and with the company of others. This does NOT feel like my natural state, but I am willing to practice healing in this small way – today!!!!
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