I have been struggling these past days with the BLUES. My flu is still not quite gone, so my low energy feeds into itself and it is a struggle to gain my good footing again.
Lack of joy and struggles with attachment vs. detachment — those are on my plate right now. But it is the words a good friend wrote to me today that comforted me, and it is those words I would like to share here this evening.
I am actually trying not to think at all. I am moving ahead with exercise, with house cleaning, with organizing my music books — doing dishes. Remembering to eat and drink fluids. Waiting for my energy, and for some useful hope to return.
In the meantime — from my friend:
For me it seems so impossible to live this Earthly life to the extent I would like to. Which translates into (I wish I did not feel inferior, not enough, etc.) In AA and the short time it’s been around the program has helped so many. Yet at best it claims about a 5 % success rate. Most people even with long term sobriety go back and drink. I know I could be one of those people and that would be a fate worse then death. So I am always mindful to be grateful for my Sobriety and to remember the price I had to pay for it.
Yesterday I was reading (“Pass it on”) Bill Wilson’s biography. After being Sober for many years and not long after the Big Book was published Bill met with a man, Father Dowling, a Jesuit priest responsible for founding AA in St. Louis. That night, Bill told of his high hope and plans, and spoke also about his anger, despair, and mounting frustrations. The Jesuit quoted Mathew: “Blessed are those who do hunger and thirst.” God’s chosen, he pointed out, were always distinguished by their yearnings, their restlessness, their thirst.
In pain, Bill asked if there was never to be satisfaction. The priest said: Never, never any. He continued describing as ‘divine dissatisfaction‘ that which would keep Wilson going, always reaching out for his unattainable goals, for only by so reaching would he attain what- hidden from him – were God’s goals. This acceptance that his dissatisfaction, that his very ‘thirst’ could be divine was one of Dowlings’ great gifts to Bill Wilson and through him to AA.
This last week I have been praying the serenity prayer many time through out the day and evening. At night I pray that many souls I know would have peace in their lives. You are one of these souls Linda. God Bless you and let’s be grateful for what we have today. Love