+HEALING FROM TRAUMA: BEING THE FIRST HEALED LEAVES ON OUR FAMILY TREE

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I mean no disrespect to anyone by saying this:  I am thinking about trauma that passes its way down through generations of cultures, civilizations, societies, and down through many families, as well.  I am seeing images in my mind of pictures like the aftermath of the massive tragedy of 9/11, accompanied by this question:  “What would it be like if nobody had ever cleared away the wreckage from that disaster and instead had built right on top of it as if life could go on that way?”

This is not a stretch of illustration for those of us who grew up as children in massively abusive homes.  Terrible things had happened in the past for such families and nobody ever did clear up the rubble.  Nobody found the remains of the victims.  Nobody finished their grieving.  Nobody learned any lessons.  Nobody helped anybody cope.  Nobody healed.  Nobody.

The carnage of the hopes of the innocent pile precariously below each new baby born into families — and into cultures, societies and civilizations — as the traumas continue in unbroken chains down the generations.  Often those who try to overcome the odds and work to build a better life are STILL living upon those piles of rubble, wreckage and unburied carnage.

No solid ground under foot.  Everything quaking and shifting, tilting and sliding, they try to live a ‘normal’ life with sinkholes opening beneath their homes and under their feet as hope after hope, effort after effort to heal and to grow into a better life is met with failure after failure to communicate with anyone, even self, about how the transmission of the repeating traumas hurt and hollow out from under any chance to reach solid, pure ground.

Infant and child abuse that happens within homes filled with the aftermath of unresolved trauma that has filled up the family members with sorrow and self loathing – as well as with disrespect of others, with violence, with lies and deceit, trickery, denial, and mental and physical stress/distress disease — sabotages each new and perfect life born to families living in these refugee settlements upon these piles of traumatic rubble.  Often when some member of a family chooses to heal, chooses to look for, to know and to understand the truth the sickness in their family works to further undermine all attempts at making a better life.

If nobody is there to collectively address all the difficulties that lie within and under traumatized/traumatizing families it may be that the one who wishes to heal must walk away.  Survivors of the tragedies within so many families — with so much of this tragedy being hidden away from sight at the same time it is perched on past family chaos and destruction — have often already endured and survived enough difficulty for a thousand lifetimes.  These survivors cannot possibly rescue all those that they love.

Adults are responsible for rescuing their self.  Those adults who suffer from devastating diseases that contribute to abuse (Borderline Personality Disorder being one of them) are casualties that cannot, in most cases, be saved.  They can be loved from a distance, but nobody deserves to further endanger their well-being by being in relationship with the perpetrator(s) who wounded them.  There are members of families who cannot be saved.

There are also members of families who CAN be saved – including our self.  Knowing the truth about which is which, who is who, can be one of the most difficult tasks of our lifetime.  Yet I also believe it is one that cannot be skipped if we are going to clear away the wreckage and rubble, purify from toxic waste and decontaminate the soil of the new life we are working to build out of love for self and others we are responsible for.

A long time ago I heard someone say, “The best thing to do for the poor is to not be one of them.”  The same thing can be said for those who are choosing to heal from trauma in their lives, “The best thing to do for the wounded is to not be one of them.”

It took half of my life before I ever got the wake-up call that there was anything wrong within my family and there was something TERRIBLY wrong with what happened to me during the first 18 years of my life.  There is no honor in ignoring that wake-up call when it comes to us.  Let the truth ring clear.

Act on that truth on your own behalf and on the behalf of those you love and in some way everyone will benefit — whether they know it consciously or not.  Though there may be many we leave behind, there are also many more to welcome and assist us in our new found search for ever increasing well-being.  Yes, we are asking for miracles as we reach for healing.  But we need to know, really KNOW — and for survivors especially of severe chaos and abuse in childhood this might be the hardest lesson we will ever learn — that WE ARE MIRACLES ourselves, each and every one of us.

Having THIS reality become real to us inside our body, our mind, our self, our soul opens up to us new avenues of light and life that will renew and heal us all the way back through our entire life story as the denial and lies that entrapped us evaporate one by one by one.  Through this process the future becomes a better place for everyone on our planet now and forever more.

Shared Sunrise

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5 thoughts on “+HEALING FROM TRAUMA: BEING THE FIRST HEALED LEAVES ON OUR FAMILY TREE

  1. You wrote:

    “there is a right
    there is a wrong

    there is sickness that prevents people from knowing which is which, and there is self-will/ego/ignorance – all kinds of ways that block the light of the soul from shining — but not for much longer”

    “there is sickness that prevents people from knowing which is which…”

    Profound. I am going to use this to try and understand what goes on in my family of origin. For that surely is what it is.

    And “all kinds of ways that block the light of the soul from shining — but not for much longer”

    AMEN! Gracias, amiga. Well said. So much to think about… and good night for now. Looking forward to more!

  2. You wrote: “This is not a stretch of illustration for those of us who grew up as children in massively abusive homes. Terrible things had happened in the past for such families and nobody ever did clear up the rubble. Nobody found the remains of the victims. Nobody finished their grieving. Nobody learned any lessons. Nobody helped anybody cope. Nobody healed. Nobody.

    The carnage of the hopes of the innocent pile precariously below each new baby born into families — and into cultures, societies and civilizations — as the traumas continue in unbroken chains down the generations. Often those who try to overcome the odds and work to build a better life are STILL living upon those piles of rubble, wreckage and unburied carnage.”

    Oh My. This is exactly the truth. This is helping me to understand more and more about my terribly dysfuntional family. Maybe they aren’t “all bad.” Maybe we all grew up defective in so many ways, but we can be cured. Maybe. Just maybe. This is really helping me to see that perhaps these people just didn’t know better and didn’t have the where-with-all to try and dig their way out of the rubble. Maybe they didn’t have the strength or the force to get up from their disabilities and learn to walk and talk again. To learn to “play the guitar with their left hand” after they lost the use of their right. And on and on and on.

    You’ve given me so much to think about. I know in my family tree, Irish Catholics that they were, we have generations of problems going far, far back. Along with the Amish English on my grandmother’s side. Lots of work to do here. I have started clearing the rubble and have been on an archaeological dig for many years now. Perhaps it’s time I can start to build a new foundation on solid stone. A foundation based on FACT and TRUTH and dare-I-say-it: LOVE?

    What does this word really mean? I intend to find out.

    Dear God, please show me The Way. Thanks be for all. Amen.

    • The task of healing is mythic — humanity is moving toward Peace of Earth as God will truly create it here out of love – humans will go willingly in that direction or NOT – but healing for humanity IS going to happen for all of us!

      As I mentioned today, humans today are ‘Children of the Halflight’ as this new leaf is being turned for humanity. Was will end. Truth and love will reign. God’s truth will shine. It will be glorious! And evil will have to GO!

      That is the bigger picture, I believe. Each of us, in and with our families or out and not with our families are going through birthing pains – the entire history of the human race up until this point has been about trauma, survival, battles — lies, twisted religious truths — maybe not in our lifetime, but soon – it is all going to change

      there is a right

      there is a wrong

      there is sickness that prevents people from knowing which is which, and there is self-will/ego/ignorance – all kinds of ways that block the light of the soul from shining — but not for much longer

    • The task of healing is mythic — humanity is moving toward Peace of Earth as God will truly create it here out of love – humans will go willingly in that direction or NOT – but healing for humanity IS going to happen for all of us!

      As I mentioned today, humans today are ‘Children of the Halflight’ as this new leaf is being turned for humanity. Was will end. Truth and love will reign. God’s truth will shine. It will be glorious! And evil will have to GO!

      That is the bigger picture, I believe. Each of us, in and with our families or out and not with our families are going through birthing pains – the entire history of the human race up until this point has been about trauma, survival, battles — lies, twisted religious truths — maybe not in our lifetime, but soon – it is all going to change

      there is a right

      there is a wrong

      there is sickness that prevents people from knowing which is which, and there is self-will/ego/ignorance – all kinds of ways that block the light of the soul from shining — but not for much longer

  3. Thank you for this all-important and wonderful blog. I am learning so much and as you say, perhaps we can be “THE FIRST HEALED LEAVES ON OUR FAMILY TREE!”

    So inspiring and encouraging. Just what I needed. Gracias, Amiga.

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