The fact that I do not want to write this post has nothing to do with the fact that I am writing it anyway because I believe there are some things I need to say to make very clear what my current thinking is about child-abusing people with Borderline Personality Disorder.
I will decide by the time I finish writing here if I am going to post here the second comment made by a BPD reader yesterday. At present I have deleted both of her comments from this blog because I consider the thinking behind her words nonproductive to the purpose of this blog about healing trauma. To me, her words were nothing but toxic. (As I read them it was like I heard my mother’s voice speaking from the grave.)
I will reiterate some things I have posted here before. (1) Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is often misdiagnosed. (2) I believe the neuroscientific technology does exist that could clearly and definitively diagnose this disorder by watching a BPD brain perform relevant tasks. (3) I also believe that diagnosing BPD in this manner presents a conflict of ethical proportions that our current civilizations are not yet ready to sort their way through. (4) Just because nobody chooses to use the current technology to diagnose this disorder does not mean that without it, BPD is always identified correctly.
Next I will lay out the playing field for human life as I see it. (1) There is only one God. (2) God creates an individual soul out of love at the second human conception occurs. (3) There is no such thing as “choosing” before birth to suffer. (4) I believe that human DNA is a supramemory device. There are people who can probably identify ancestral memory, but that is not the same thing as reincarnation.
For the purposes of what I wish to say about BPD, including my dead mother: (1) Each human soul God creates is good. (2) Under ordinary circumstances humans have free will to choose to do good or to do evil in their lifetime. (3) I do not believe humans are given the right to judge anyone. That is God’s job. (4) Under severe early trauma alterations in human development do occur very early in life. (5) Some people have potential for surviving unbearable pain and trauma in their genetic code, and these combinations can be triggered into action in a little one’s physiological fight to maintain their life. (6) I believe BPD is definitely one of these trauma-triggered genetic survival physiological tactics a little one’s body can take under horrific early conditions of stress and trauma. (7) There are some physiological changes (being knocked unconscious being a most obvious one) that interfere with the expression of the powers of the soul. Severe BPD is one of these physiological changes as it impedes normal rational thinking processes (and other abilities as well).
Among the powers invested to the human soul at this stage of advancement for our species is the power of rational thought. This power resides to a great degree in the more newly evolved cortices of our brain. Early trauma can change development of the body-brain in ways that eliminate anything like ordinary, advanced human-soul abilities to exercise rational thought.
We can call these people ‘mentally ill’ if we want to, but it is important to know that if early relationship trauma in unsafe and insecure attachment environments was responsible for triggering physiological changes to ensure survival, the changes that happen to the formation of the brain are very real. Again, in a BPD brain these changes can be watched as they operate.
Nothing about these conditions makes these people ‘bad people’, but it does make them non-rational. They do not think in ordinary ways. They do not know they do not think in ordinary, rational ways. Everything that a BPD person thinks makes sense to them. But the queasy, eerie, uneasy feeling of ‘ICK’ a person feels when they encounter BPD ‘counter-logic’ is a telling sign that there is no bridge to cross between how an ordinary person thinks and a BPD person thinks.
(I also believe that there is healing for BPD people, but there is no cure. This devastating disease, whose onset is clearly linked to child abuse, can be prevented just as child abuse can be — when our society is willing to take appropriate actions on behalf of all infants and children to ensure they are given what they need when they are little to grow up WELL!)
Many current psychological practitioners believe that BPD is ‘just’ about emotional dysregulation. Nearly half of our population suffered from some flaws in their early caregiver attachments. This half of us all have some version of what is known as an insecure attachment disorder. This means that on some level everyone within this half has some degree of both emotional dysregulation and an empathy disorder.
Emotional regulatory abilities are directly built into the human social-emotional brain primarily during the most rapid brain growth period of development during the first year of life. If those earliest infant-caregiver interactions contain dysregulation, in effect that inability to adequately regulate emotion will be downloaded into an infant’s forming brain.
More accurately, BPD includes great disturbance in the rational thought processes of higher human functioning. There is no negotiating using ‘common sense’ with a Borderline. Their version of the world, as distorted, twisted and narcissistic as it is — that includes no ability to self reflect, to experience true empathy or genuine compassion, no ability for remorse and a very, very questionable ability to exercise true conscience or consciousness — is, to a Borderline not only the ONLY world there is, but also the only CORRECT world.
I would say that from now on if any blog reader posts a comment that I read with a growing sense of negativity, dishonesty (blind as it may be), and shaming in their words — coupled with a growing dark feeling in my gut like there are masses of centipedes thriving in their — I will not hesitate to eliminate their words from this blogspace. The readers whose comments will most likely cover the ground I just mentioned will be, without a doubt, Borderline Personality Disorder people.
In a reply I posted: BPD has a purpose: To keep survivors of early abuse alive. The most important way it ensures continued survival for its host is by erasing from the survivor/BPD the ability to both truly feel their own pain (and the pain of others) as it erases the ability to learn anything of any depth about cause and effect.
My mother outran her pain her entire lifetime. It is not that she didn’t suffer, but she had no ability to comprehend that fact.
Being nearly a babe yourself at your young age of 27, you will most likely be able to outrun your pain for a very long time yet to come. Those of us who survived severe abuse, and WHO ARE NOT BORDERLINES do have to feel, acknowledge and continue to learn about what happened to us and how it affects us in our life for the rest of our lives.
Unlike BPD people, we do not have an illness that makes us truly immune to pain so that we can continue to live at the same time we ignore the truths of our lives.
I cannot go back and retrieve this woman’s first comment in which she stated she is 27, had three children, two of them austitic, that she abused them ‘because she was stressed and emotionally dysregulated’, saw the light and gave the children ‘away’ (not a bad thing, I add), and now is going off to enjoy her life at the spa, etc……. And shame on any child abuse survivor who goes after the truth!
But here is her second BPD comment:
Well I definitely never did anything like what you mentioned your mother did, and I don’t find it acceptable. It did, however, it did happen to me in that severity, along with sexual abuse as well. Yes, what happened was hurtful, but I do not wallow in pain and I no longer inflict guilt on myself about my children because the past is the past. I keep track of them they seem very happy now. I was adopted too and if it had been the right parents, I wouldve been perfectly fine.
My bio brother was adopted at 4 years of age he’s fine. I don’t condone abuse, I kept trying to cope with the boys, I kept trying to be a better mom and and cope with their autism but with no help I couldn’t. I started having crazy thoughts of him dying, I had a nervous breakdown and felt tremendous guilt and sent the kids to safety. Its been a painful year but now its over and I have the right to enjoy life just as anyone else. I have traumas but they are being overcome. I am beautiful inside and out, people
like me. I am a good friend and fun to be around. You all fail to recognize that I did the right thing.
I already unsubscribed from here because I have no more time to sit here reading what judgmental, whiny 60 year olds have to write. That at their age they still have not overcome childhood trauma. How pitiful. You want to spend the rest of your life whining? Go ahead. If you are so passionate about helping abused children, I agree with the cause, go do something about it. Become a social worker, volunteer, don’t just sit here and whine about everything. I was once like you, living in the past, until someone gave me that advice of forgiveness and I took heed and I am finally enjoying life. Good luck to you. Ps I believe in tough love, not pity parties!
My wise daughter’s reply to me about this comment: “This is sickening. Crazy woman. Ick. Don’t let it influence you at all!!!!”
Please consult the links at this post if you have any questions about the healing power of telling the truth for those of us who do NOT have BPD. (BPDs live because the truth overwhelmed them and their body used this genetic combination to ensure their continued survival anyway. They do not have the physiological ability to literally ‘tell the truth’ – not what happened to them or what happens to others around them now.)