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Archive for September, 2011

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I think in an ideal world every neighborhood in America would have its own healing social group!  A time and a place where people could come together and talk about how they are becoming better people every day, how they are learning about hard things they have gone through, how all of us can support and care about one another no matter what our difficulties have been and might be now.

We could share what inspires us!  Well, at least I have this amazing blog space, and all the fantastic people who stroll by for a visit.  So today I want to mention another movie I just watched on disc from Netflix.  I L-O-V-E-D it!

Pete Seeger: The Power of Song (2007)

 

My heart and soul were so warmed by this story I watched last night that I am still smiling inside and out from it this morning!  When we think about “What can one person do to help change the world?” we can think about what Pete Seeger did.  We ALL have gifts!  Most of us not such amazing ones as Pete had – but what if we all went digging around in our inner forgotten closets and cupboards, under our beds, out in the garage – maybe even in our inner junk piles – where we have ACCIDENTALLY misplaced the gifts we have EACH been given?

What if we dug around, found a gift, recognized its connection to something about us we have ALWAYS loved, that has ALWAYS contributed to our inner joy and peace, and then shined up these gifts, made repairs if needed, and then put them to GOOD USE?

This movie, for one thing, reminds us that we ALL have within us the God-given power to SING!!!  That is what Pete did!  He not only reminded thousands upon thousands of ordinary people that humans can SING, he encouraged people to remind others – until the circle ripples of SONG filled the spaces in the air where crying and dead, dead silence USED to be.  At the same time, and greatly through the power of unity and joy that music is a part of, the world began to change.

Singing is about LOVE.  There is NOTHING to be ashamed of in that word, in that experience – LOVE.

When I think how abused and traumatized infants and children receive overwhelming experiences of the OPPOSITE of love – HATE!!  And as I think about how survivors can never escape having gone through trauma that changed them in their physiological development in so many permanent ways – I think about the POWER of song, the POWER of music to awaken the soul to LOVE – inside and out.

Please consider finding a way to watch this movie.  Those of you who subscribe to Netflix can get the movie in on disc.  It can be purchased through amazon.com HERE.

This movie is the only authorized biography of Pete Seeger, a great American musician and hero of generations.  Wickipedia story about him HERE.  Born 1919, as far as I know this humble, good man is still living!!!!  Although many didn’t and might still not agree with his political views, Pete exercised what needs to remain an American right to hold to one’s own self what a person feels to be true.  Pete harmed no one – and helped so many more than a few they cannot be counted.

Hats off to you, PETE!  Thank you for being you!!  Thank you for knowing your gifts and for sharing them.  Thank you to your parents and to others who so guided you in your own right direction!  And thank you to our Creator, the Greatest Mystery of all time, for Your generosity in providing all of us with GIFTS!!!

AND MAY WE ALL REMEMBER TO SING!!

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By the way, as a total beginner to reading and playing music, I am learning this on keyboard – what fun – (work, too) – love it!  Listen here:  Mana- Hechicera

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Whether or not humans choose to believe their own false ideas and vain imaginings that tell them there is no God and nobody has a soul, reality exists otherwise.

I do believe in God and that everyone has a soul.  Therefore I cannot form a coherent or comprehensive view of myself without considering what this means to me.  Today I created another ‘page’ attached to a heading tab at the top of this blog simply called — GOD LOVE.

Being so abused from the time I was born that I could not begin to conceptualize what love might be, or even that it actually existed, has made certain aspects of my living and my healing journey complicated in regard to love.  I may never know in this lifetime in my conscious mind what love is.  That does not stop me from questing for that understanding.

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I wrote a post today that is attached to GOD LOVE.  In it I describe as clearly as I now understand it at my age of 60 what ‘being’ Mother’s ‘devil child’ was about and what it did to me by the time I was 17.  I also describe a bit about my soul’s journey through those years of abuse and out into the world I entered when I left home.  SEE:  *CHILD ABUSE AND THE JOURNEY OF MY SOUL

I will welcome all ‘reasonable’ comments to anything I write at GOD LOVE at the same time I reserve all rights to NOT post what I am not comfortable with and to edit what I do post if that feels comfortable.  Those pages are about comfort, something I new NOTHING about the first 18 years of my life and something I will probably never completely understand while I life on this earth in my trauma-changed body.

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I also posted the contents of a soul-related talk by an expert on the subject that I consider most important at *NO MATTER WHAT – HAVE NO ENEMY.  There is nothing in those words that gives me spiritual permission — or any other kind of permission — to think ill of anyone, including my parents.

This new section and my collection of writings over there are necessary for me at this point in my healing journey because it is my soul that in-formed me as a child.  It is my soul that brought me through those horrendous years of insane abuse.  It is spiritual assistance from God’s unseen realms that protected me from death and disintegration through my difficult first years of life as a soul.

It is my hope that forever in this lifetime I will seek truth, and that forever after my mortal body parts ways with my soul upon my physical death that I will do the same.  I pray to God to teach me love.

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I am really studying that little book I mentioned in my earlier post today on parenting:  When We Grow Up by Bahiyyih Nakhjavani.  My soul’s version of ‘moving forward’ and ‘traveling onward’ very much includes LEARNING anything that I think will help me (and possibly others) accomplish exactly this kind of movement.  In other words, I desire to study things that help me understand myself in the world a little more — one word, one idea at a time.

In reading this little book I am confronting some important concepts about how OTHER PEOPLE are SUPPOSED to be watching out for parents to make sure parents are taking care of their offspring correctly.

My society-culture failed me.  Society-culture is ALWAYS at fault when an infant-child is mistreated, neglected and/or abused.  Society is SUPPOSED to be guarding children by not ONLY watching the little ones to make sure they are OK, but also by watching the grownups in charge of caring for children to make sure the job is being done right.

And, yes, there IS a right way to be a person in this lifetime — and there is a right way to take care of the next generation of little ones who are growing up to take their parents’ place in the circle of humanity.  Knowing that human social order is in a stage of decay so that it can be built up RIGHT starting now and into the future is at least some comfort to me — at the same time that I can see in this little book that those of us who were hurt as little people WERE ORPHANS.

Yup, that’s it.  We were orphans!  What my parents did to me did not qualify them to be my parents, plain and simple.  I was left alone in the hell they created for me — and essentially raised myself.

Human cultures have a long ways to go to get things right.  We are as a species barely at the developmental stage of unruly, selfish teenagers.  I hope we stay on the right road!!!!  And God knows which road is the right one.  Humans just have to figure that out and make different choices.  Taking care of little babes and children would be a very good start in the right direction — and I mean ALL babes and children!

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People with different languages, cultures and religious understanding refer to a Supreme Being by many names, but I most simply rely on this single short word – God.  I believe God creates each individual soul of a person at the moment of conception because God loves each and every person who has ever lived.  I also believe once a soul is created it is sent, like an arrow out of a bow, into a forever future of destiny.  I found this in a book about parenting:  When We Grow Up by Bahiyyih Nakhjavani

The journey of the soul is a long one, which begins at conception when the ‘spirit encircles the body…in the womb’ [reference].  And while its end is to reflect with faithfulness the light of God, that light being eternal makes the journey endless also.  What a joy therefore to discover companions on the way, to discover that these to whom we were entrusted in the first stages of the journey are moving with us step by step.  Through sunshine to the light of God we go, parents and children both.  And no matter what our age or education, no matter what the differences between us, the soul within us being ageless and cultureless travels onward, conscious only of direction.  Though we are all ultimately alone before our God, we catch the echoes of parallel footsteps continually, and rejoice in the companionship we find between the generations.” (pages 59-60 – I added bold type emphasis)

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As I work for the first time in my 60 year long life to put my memories of my childhood into a sequential line covering those 18 years of abuse, so far I am mainly conscious of one part of my experience AS A CHILD surviving abuse and continuing to endure THAT IS THE SAME as what I experience as an adult:  I always instinctively moved forward.

The soul, which by the way is also genderless although by nature connected to a gendered body in this material world, must have this innate characteristic.  That’s what enduring and surviving seems to be:  Moving forward no matter what.

Humans, as members of a social species, are designed to benefit from companionship.  Our beginning physical journey happens because of the companionship between mother and fetus.  Humans follow a long course of development post-birth.  During these early stages we are absolutely dependent upon caregivers for our life.  We are also dependent on these caregivers to train us in good ways and to provide for our education.

Infant and child abuse is NOT what God and nature intended.  As I locate myself in my memories in the time and place of my childhood experiences I can always see that some part of ME continued forward.  I am only now beginning to be able to recognize that this ME was my SOUL me.

Because my Borderline Personality Disordered mother was SO severely, psychotically ill, she could not – and DID NOT – allow me to take possession of my body, my self, my personality, my self awareness, my ability to choose to be me – in any way if she could prevent it.  I see now that ALL of my mother’s abuse had this single end goal:  To prevent Linda from ever being born as an individual self.

I also now increasingly understand (as I discover this in my book writing and see how these patterns worked) that my mother needed ME to be her stand-in for the evil-bad-child the devil was coming to get.  Her need, and how she met this need, take so-called ‘splitting’ and ‘projection’ to such an extreme level it would be nearly impossible to comprehend the comprehensiveness of HOW she met this need by torturing and traumatizing me if I hadn’t been there in her inner Borderline core of hell.

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At the same time I am tracking how hard Mother had to work to maintain her patterns of obliterating ME as a person-and-as a person separate from her, I see that the physical developmental stages and physiological changes I was destined to go through as a living, developing child, CHALLENGED Mother to work harder and harder and HARDER to make sure I as a person was never born.  This meant that the abuse had to escalate on all levels right along with my growth stages.

The ME that WAS still alive as an individual WAS my soul.  It is very eerie for me to look back, inside, through into myself as a child and recognize my soul.  Personally, it would be very nice if ALL humans were able to pass from their initial pure innocent stages into increasingly more ‘human’ ones of involvement in this material life while at the SAME TIME being able to maintain clear contact with the eternal element of who God created us to be:  Our soul.

But I don’t think – no, I KNOW that what I experienced was extremely, extraordinarily NOT NORMAL.  I therefore was deprived of the opportunity to grow through my childhood in anything like a NORMAL way.  This NORMAL way, at least in mainstream American culture, would have created a rift between my experience of the culturally-all-important EGO SELF and my true SOUL SELF.

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As I worked through the difficult process of identifying what happened to me in my age-10 memory of abuse, I recognized that my EGO self ‘came to’ during the weeks covered by this memory stage of my development.  I awoke as a conscious self – and if I had not acquiesced to Mother’s will at this time, I would not have lived past this age of 10.

So acquiesce I did – and live I did.

I believe that all of the religions God has provided to mankind over the span of our evolution have each served to illuminate the way to keep our two wings of being human in balance and in harmony.  Our spiritual nature and our material (ego-self) nature exist only as we start our soul journey here, but not once our body dies and our soul moves forward into other worlds of God.  Yet our soul has opportunities in this lifetime to grow and to learn because we have free will here – and only here.

If my conscious, thinking choice decision making self had remained awake and alive past this event I experienced of abuse by Mother when I was ten, she would have killed me.

My soul chose.

My soul willed me to keep my body alive.  My conscious self thus had to go back to sleep and stayed asleep for a very long time.

I cannot make any sense of myself in childhood or of myself as an adult without trying to learn what my soul has always known.  If I lived in a culture truly steeped in common knowledge about the truth of the life of the soul my journey would be easier now.  But, no, I live in a culture more than steeped in the hubris of the ego self.

Yet I also know that trauma challenges shallow understandings of life.  When I watched the two movies mentioned in my last posts — +PLEASE. NO MORE WAR – A MOVIE WORTH WATCHING and +”MAKE ART NOT WAR” – ANOTHER GREAT TRUE MOVIE – I can very clearly see stars of these movies are struggling with concerns related to BOTH their soul and their ego-material nature.

Trauma awakens the depth of the soul in ways that I believe only survivors of horrendous traumas can truly comprehend.  Companionship, connection of humans with humans, is the way that the soul and the ego self can put together into one-whole the truth of experiences that MUST be shared with others to be healed.

I also believe that on profound levels the SOUL knows it has the keys to healing at the same time the ego-self knows that it alone does NOT have these keys.  Physiological diseases such as BPD can block the soul’s ability to access the truth of what is needed for healing.  In addition, as these two movies demonstrate, it takes companionship of souls with other souls to move forward with healing on this plane of existence as very real steps of progress are made to enable the WHOLE person to heal.

As a child I had no companionship.  While I was cared for by God and the angels I had no conscious awareness of this fact.  Consciousness was a luxury I did not have.  Yet my soul has always desired to move forward, always forward, and that was and is exactly what I have always done, just as the stars of these two movies did.

BEING alive can happen without consciousness, but I don’t believe that THRIVING while being alive can.  I stayed alive as a child but nothing in my world allowed me to thrive.  Both of the stars of these movies remained alive in the face of massive traumas, but as the movie shows, it was sharing companionship with others that provided the opportunity for both ‘the soul and the ego-self’ to find ways to thrive — which is what healing is all about.

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Tonight brought me yet another (Netflix streaming) moving movie experience of quality.

The Cats of Mirikitani — Blending beauty and humor with tragedy and loss, THE CATS OF MIRIKITANI is an intimate exploration of the lingering wounds of war and the healing power of art. A heart-warming affirmation of humanity that will appeal to all lovers of peace, art, and cats.

Eighty-year-old Jimmy Mirikitani [see article below] survived the trauma of WWII internment camps, Hiroshima, and homelessness by creating art.  But when 9/11 threatens his life on the New York City streets and a local filmmaker brings him to her home, the two embark on a journey to confront Jimmy’s painful past.  An intimate exploration of the lingering wounds of war and the healing powers of friendship and art, this documentary won the Audience Award at its premiere in the 2006 Tribeca Film Festival.

It also won Best Documentary for Durban International Film Festival, The Frida Award for Best New Director at Sun Valley Spiritual Film Festival, Audience Award at Paris Cinema Film Festival, Press Prize for Best Documentary at Femmina International Film Festival, Best Picture Japanese Eyes at Tokyo International Film Festival, Audience Award at Filmfest DC, and Norwegian Peace Film Award at Tromso International Film Festival.

THE FILM IS AVAILABLE FOR VIEWING HERE ON YOUTUBE

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Article HERE – follow this link, reprinted here for educational purposes only:

“Make art not war” is Jimmy Mirikitani’s motto. The 80-year-old artist was born in Sacramento, California, raised in Hiroshima, Japan, traveled the U.S. and even cooked for artist Jackson Pollock. But by 2001, Mirikitani was homeless, living on the streets of New York City. As tourists and shoppers hurried past, Mirikitani sat alone on a windy corner in New York’s SoHo, drawing pictures of whimsical cats, bleak internment camps and the angry red flames of the atomic bomb. When local filmmaker Linda Hattendorf stopped to ask about his art, a friendship—detailed in THE CATS OF MIRIKITANI—began that changed both their lives.

In sunshine, rain and snow, Hattendorf returned to document Mirikitani’s drawings, trying to decipher the stories behind them. The tales spilled out in a jumble. Childhood picnics in Japan, lost citizenship, Pearl Harbor, thousands of Americans imprisoned in WWII desert camps, a boy who loved cats. As winter warmed to spring and summer, Hattendorf started to piece together the puzzle of Mirikitani’s past. One thing is clear from his prolific sidewalk displays: he has survived terrible traumas and is determined to make his history visible through his art.

September 11, 2001 threw Mirikitani once again into a world at war and challenged Hattendorf to move from the role of witness to advocate. During the chaos following the collapse of the World Trade Center, she found herself unable to passively photograph this elderly man coughing in the toxic smoke, and invited him into her small apartment. In this uncharted landscape, the two unlikely roommates navigated the maze of the social welfare system, sought out lost family members and researched the artist’s painful past, finding eerie parallels to events unfolding around them in the present.

Blending beauty and humor with tragedy and loss, THE CATS OF MIRIKITANI is an intimate exploration of the lingering wounds of war and the healing power of art.

Update

In March 2007, THE CATS OF MIRIKITANI Co-Producer/Director Linda Hattendorf reported on what Jimmy Mirikitani has been doing since filming completed:

Jimmy has now been living in his own apartment for more than five years. I still visit him every week; he introduces me to people as his granddaughter. He’s 86 now and still making lots of art. He just had his first one-man show at an exhibition at the Wing Luke Asian Museum in Seattle. This summer, Masa Yoshikawa and I hope to take Jimmy back to Japan to visit Hiroshima, where he grew up. We’ll try to go there for the Peace Ceremony on August 6. It should be quite a powerful moment for us all.

Read more about Jimmy Mirikitani >>

View a gallery of his artwork >>

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Blending beauty and humor with tragedy and loss, THE CATS OF MIRIKITANI is an intimate exploration of the lingering wounds of war and the healing power of art. A heart-warming affirmation of humanity that will appeal to all lovers of peace, art, and cats.

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Thanks to a blog commenter today for pointing out this excellent online article:  Brain and Development affected after Child Abuseby Dima — February 17, 2009.  I would like to mention again that these kinds of brain changes are not random, not coincidental, and can most accurately be considered in the context of the work of Dr. Martin Teicher as presented in several posts on this blog:

+Dr. Teicher’s ARTICLE ON TRAUMA ALTERED DEVELOPMENT

*Notes on Teicher

+AS DR. MARTIN TEICHER STATES — EARLY ABUSE, ALTERED BRAIN DEVELOPMENT AND THE SCARS THAT WON’T HEAL

Teicher’s point is that the changes created in an infant-child’s developing brain (and nervous system) as Dima’s article notes, create an EVOLUTIONARILY ALTERED body.

In addition, this kind of early stress/distress CAN and very often DOES activate genetic combinations of potential designed to ensure survival in the harshest of worlds long enough that the survivor can procreate.  These troublesome genetic expressions very likely would NEVER have been activated if the early environment had been safe and secure.

This article — Brain and Development affected after Child Abuseis worth a read.  Any concept for future study as mentioned here can be Google searched – add child abuse and brain development together into any online search – the proof of the changes that survivors of child abuse will have to live with IN OUR BODY for the rest of our lifetime will appear in articles that respond to your search.

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I just watched an unforgettable movie that has touched my heart more deeply than any I have ever seen before.  I was not expecting this when I selected this film several days ago and placed it in my Netflix streaming que.  It tells a story of human evil and of human triumph, of war and work for peace, of surviving, of a tragic past turned into a powerful tool for healing.

The Flute Player

PBS broadcast, July 22, 2003

“Arn Chorn-Pond was only a boy when the brutal Khmer Rouge regime overran Cambodia and turned his country into a ghastly land of “killing fields.” While most of Arn’s family, and 90 percent of the country’s musicians, were killed, Arn was kept alive to play propaganda songs on the flute for his captors. Now, after being adopted and living in the United States for 20 years, Arn goes back to Cambodia in The Flute Player, seeking out surviving “master musicians” and facing the dark shadows of his war-torn past. As the film follows Arn on his journey from Lowell, Massachusetts to Phnom Penh, Cambodia, his life is seen through his work in both communities of Cambodians. An extraordinary story of survival, the film is a testament to one man’s ability to transcend tragedy. An Independent Television Service (ITVS) co-presentation.

This movie can be watched in full HERE at Hulu.com online.

This 60-minute movie does have some graphic pictures of death but can be viewed via YouTube after signing in as an adult viewer.

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From Scholastic NewsMusic Returns to Cambodia — by Rachel Laskow

When Arn Chorn-Pond transferred to a prep school in western Massachusetts, nobody knew anything about him. They didn’t know that his family was killed, they didn’t know that he once lived in a jungle, and they didn’t know the frustration and anger he felt when he first came to America. After Chorn-Pond spoke on his campus about his life, he opened many people’s eyes, including fellow classmate Jocelyn Glatzer’s.

In fact, almost 20 years later, Glatzer decided to make a movie about Chorn-Pond’s life called The Flute Player.

“I felt like I knew nothing about Cambodia,” Glatzer said. “Personally, his story shows hope and the beautiful things about his culture.”

The one-hour documentary, which aired on PBS in July, weaves two stories together: Chorn-Pond’s survival in Cambodia and his work today.

When Glatzer was making the film, she had young people in mind. As a child, she found it difficult to learn history just through books. She hopes that when young people watch Arn’s story, they will want to learn more about Cambodia.

Glatzer was also inspired by Arn’s story. “Arn inspired me to think about self-expression and art on a whole other level,” she said. “[During the Khmer Rouge time] Cambodian artists were killed for expressing themselves. As an artist, I have to keep going and give other artists the freedom to express themselves.”

Besides PBS, the documentary has been part of several film festivals and has been shown on college campuses throughout the country. Glatzer has received a positive response from the film’s viewers. Many young Cambodians sent her e-mails. Before they saw the film, they knew only tragedy in Cambodia. Now, they know a lot more about their own culture.

Currently, Glatzer is working with Chorn-Pond to bring educational TV to Cambodia. They just finished filming an episode of Sesame Street, and once they complete enough episodes to wrap up a season, the show will air on Cambodian TV.

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As always, I have very little definitive or comprehensive or even enlightened to say about my father who knew of the severe abuse my mother did to me for 18 years and ignored it all.  If there is one clear pattern about Father that appears in Mother’s written account of the Alaskan years of my childhood that began just before my 6th birthday and flowed into a ridiculously consuming process of homesteading on an Alaskan mountainside, it is that Father knew how to work.
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The account of some of the working patterns Father accomplished testify to nearly superhuman stamina, perseverance and accomplishment against overwhelming odds.  But was Father’s stunning commitment to work more about escaping his wife (her insanity and abuse), escaping his responsibilities to notice, care and take action on behalf of his children, escaping his confusion, his conscience, escaping his feelings and escaping the reality of his and his children’s life than it was about the products of the work he did?

I think I and several of my siblings certainly inherited our physical stamina from Father.  Then we either inherited his ability to work with concentrated focus on difficult tasks — or we learned it from him in combination with our natural inherited ability.  After all, I just spent all of last winter digging up and sinking a large yard — did it well – and loved it!

(see series of posts:  LINDA’S ADOBE PEACE GARDEN)

Maybe those of us who enjoy and can accomplish hard physical work are born athletes.  But now that I am 60 my body is developing some serious quirks that are warning me that my delight and escape through hard physical work is going to end — and perhaps so in the not too far distant future.

THEN WHAT?

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Today this simple and humble blog will cross its 100,000th hit mark – and thank you to everyone who has come and will come through the garden gates here to read something or another than hopefully means something or another!  Many heartfelt thanks, also, to my Texas sister who encouraged me every step of the way to the creation of this palette of words.

I plan to spend the day with a dear friend helping to catalog a library of books for her deceased friend.  I look forward to a day off from this trauma work!  Peace be to us all!

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I put in a book-writing ‘need help’ call to one of my sisters about a week ago.  She reads voraciously.  I knew she would have the literary advice I needed as I worked my way through the age-10 horrific abuse memory I struggled with for weeks.  My concern in part was for the devoid, sparse, grim, plain, bleak words and very short sentences that wrote that memory.

My sister recommended that I read, The Road by Cormac McCarthy.  At the same time she acknowledged my reasons for not reading anyone’s book at this point in my own writing process.  My body-brain grew into it expert abilities to dissociate.  I know it is entirely likely that if I read other people’s writing my brain will select phrases and passages to store away in ‘secretive places’, only to pop them into my own writing anywhere along the line without my awareness.  So sis recommended that I at least watch the movie:

The Road shares the premise of the novel on which it is based: a father (Mortensen) and his young son (Smit-McPhee) struggle to survive after an unspecified cataclysm has destroyed civilization, killed almost all plant and animal life, and obscured the sun; only remnants of mankind remain alive, reduced to scavenging or cannibalism. The man and boy travel southward, in the hope that it will be warmer. Along the way, they search for shelter, food, and fuel, and avoid bands of cannibals while trying to maintain their own sense of humanity.

Easier planned than done.  I ordered the movie in from Netflix.  It is in my player.  I cannot tolerate watching more than two to five minutes of it at a time – and am at this point not at all sure I can finish it.

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The largest kernel of truth related to my experience with this ‘topic’ has been presented MANY times in posts on this blog:

+Dr. Teicher’s ARTICLE ON TRAUMA ALTERED DEVELOPMENT

*Notes on Teicher

+AS DR. MARTIN TEICHER STATES — EARLY ABUSE, ALTERED BRAIN DEVELOPMENT AND THE SCARS THAT WON’T HEAL

*SYMTPOMS: 120909 Scan of Teicher’s Research – Trauma Altered Development Paper

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+TRAUMA ALTERED DEVELOPMENT (TAD) – A NEW DESCRIPTIVE CONCEPT

+INFANT-CHILD ABUSE: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HERO AND VICTIM

+THE GOOD-BAD INFO ABOUT TRAUMA ALTERED DEVELOPMENT FROM CHILD ABUSE TRAUMA

+DECEMBER 2010 IMPORTANT POSTS on Trauma Altered Development

+A LIFE COMPLICATED BY TRAUMA-ALTERED DEVELOPMENT (CHILD ABUSE RELATED)

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As I attempt to watch this film I am aware that my body-memory of the first 18 years of my life, filled with trauma and abuse, is resonating with this story and its presentations in ways that are nearly overwhelming to me.  I agreed with myself that I would make this effort because I face this same body-memory reaction every time I approach my book writing about my childhood.  As my sister told me in our conversation there are topics that cannot be presented in any other but the grimmest, starkest, naked way – no matter what format for expression is used.

The kind of world presented in this movie mirrors the kind of world that triggers Trauma Altered Development that leads to what Dr. Teicher describes at the end of his article as ‘evolutionarily alteration’ due to physiological response to extreme deprivations in an early formative environment.  When an infant and young child is forced to make it through a malevolent early caregiver-attachment world, the body will automatically take every effort it can find to preserve life – causing changes in body-nervous system/brain-immune system changes that cannot be reversed.  The body only cares that such a survivor make it to the age of reproduction.

Any and all of the links presented here above describe in detail what I am talking about.  If readers wish to FEEL what trauma FEELS like in the body to abused infants and children, watch this movie – or try to.  I am making every effort I can to take a dose of my own medicine!  There is something important about the process of survivorship I can learn by this experience – no matter what.  The same might be true for any of this blog’s readers who take the challenge to read this book and/or watch this film.

The scene and the players might be changed in this story from our own trauma abuse childhood stories, but the overall ENVIRONMENT is nearly identical – danger in an unsafe world (even though the father in the story loves his son – I am talking about the atmosphere and high risk environment that leads to trauma altered development when the danger/harm/distress ESPECIALLY comes to children from their caregivers.).

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Article – latest research on Borderline Personality Disorder

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