+ABUSIVE CHILDHOODS: THE POWER OF SEARCHING BACKWARD

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This morning’s email to a friend:

Last night was not much for sleeping.  Finally gave up trying and up to the glorious full moon by 2:30 a.m.

Something is happening to me – the transformations this writing is bringing.  I am too close to this now.  I cannot tell in what ways I am changing.

I am accomplishing what I intended to.  I am locating my child self in time and space.  I guess I had no expectations about what I would find.  I guess that left me open, because my search was always only for the truth — the best I could find it.

What I have found so far in myself by age 8 1/2 is that purity of soul you and I ‘talked’ about yesterday.  Last night that purity must have caught up with me!

At 2:30 a.m. I had these words appear in my awareness:  “I am not a self with a soul.  I am a soul with a self.”

As I went looking for ‘my self’ as a child I did not know that when I found ‘her’ that is exactly what I would find:  my soul.  Not that I have ever ‘lost’ my soul, but as I got up and wrote ‘for the book’ I realized my soul from childhood did not grow up with a conscious connection to ‘my self’ — I was ‘just’ a shining pure mirror soul who only very very gradually found a ‘self’ at all

and mostly that has happened in my adulthood.

That would be a search far outside of ‘this book’ being written, to follow my self from age 18 through my adult life to find out when ‘my self’ came on stage — and then took the stage.

I have never lost sight of God, or of the ‘idea of soul’ — but last night I FELT the connection between my soul and my self – consciously — for the first time in my life.

I wanted to share this with you.  In the end, it all comes around to the writings at this link — not sure if you wish to read them or not, isn’t important — so much — but I guess if I use that word ‘healing’ something healed for me last night.

I love you!

http://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:08-Ea5QmdA4J:reference.bahai.org/en/t/c/BWF/bwf-2.html+baha%27i+soul+mirror+dross&cd=1&hl=en&ct=clnk&gl=us&client=firefox-a&source=www.google.com

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