Healing is such an amazing process, and yes is one that those of us who were severely abused as children include as an ongoing process every moment of our entire lives. But being just as equally certain that the healing process is not only as real as was the wounding process in the first place, but is more powerful because it is directly tied into the forces of building life rather than of tearing it down.
As I read and replied to the coolest comments I received on the last post I wrote, I realize that even THAT process – writing the first post, having my dear friend talk to me about her reactions, then my writing of the second post and today receiving the wisdom of commenters and replying to those — is all about what we are talking about! The more clearly I can understand things, the more power I receive to continue on this healing path, with the knowledge that miracles DO happen and healing can occur as suddenly and ‘out of the blue’ as did many of the terrible abuse events of my childhood.
These ‘healing shifts’ that happen as we apply our best efforts toward the best end possible can happen like the
I like that NEW IDEA I received today as a result of having accomplished the tasks I didn’t even specifically recognize I was tackling through the process I just described of writing: Quantum leap learning! But wait! There’s MORE! This leads me to awareness of the fact that what we most want to accomplish is QUANTUM LEAP HEALING! Now THAT’S MORE LIKE IT! By following this search on the web I come up with all kinds of links that related to what my BODY knows as it leads me through careful disclosure down the road of removing bit by bit by bit by bit the inner obstacles I carry within me from the abuse I experienced that prevent me from obtaining frequent states of well being.
I refuse to let references to ‘psychic’, etc. stop me from pursuing information related to this new thought I am having today. As I describe in my piece about doing art therapy, and even about being saved from death in my high school parking lot, I no longer even think about them in terms of ‘psychic’ experiences. I am beginning to realize as I move forward in my disclosure-healing process that there are probably more things in life we do not know enough about to fully describe them with words than there are ones that we can tidily wrap words around and put a ribbon on top of!
I think about how a parent works with a young child who comes to them saying, “I don’t feel good!” The parent has to help them examine exactly what it is their body is telling them that led to that statement: “Where do you hurt? Does your tummy hurt? Does your head hurt?” The parent will feel for a temperature, determine if the child is thirsty, hungry, tired, scared or sad. Once these details are brought to light, given names and addressed, life can move on as improvement happens.
We live in a materialistic, object obsessed culture that wants to think not only that the brain is an object, but also that it can be separated through some magical process from the body it is a part of. To make matters work, we are told that our LEFT brain is superior, and that our ‘higher’ cortex is most important of all. Be logical! Don’t have feelings, don’t believe in anything intangible that you can’t see, feel or touch.
How ridiculous and destructive is this belief? How limiting? How inadequate?
Those of us who of us who had too much life information forced upon us by traumatic early childhood experiences will not heal if we follow this societal pattern. It would be like being given a doll’s shoe and told to put our big adult foot into it. Not possible. The left hemisphere of our brain has a critical job to do, but it will sit idle or be left to process empty, meaningless information if we don’t give it our truth to work with.
That truth is stored in our body and processed in our right brain hemisphere. Our left brain is eager to WORK WITH that information, but cannot possibly access it by itself. That is not its job.
We must also remember than if malevolent conditions surrounded us as our body-brain formed in the first place, neither of our brain hemispheres developed as they are ‘ordinarily’ supposed to. The part of the brain in the middle that is the bridge between the two hemispheres that is designed to transmit information between these ‘two different brains’ we have was not designed in an ‘ordinary’ fashion, either. This fact affects what information we receive, the way we receive it, store it, access it, and process it. This is not a minor alteration of who we were meant to be and who we turned out to be!
I am not writing ‘clinical’ information here, either. This information is no different than if someone told us how to avoid electrocuting ourselves or burning down our house! We aren’t working for our own best interests by refusing to accept these facts, or by feeling inadequate to learn them. They are important, and influence how successful our efforts to heal from our traumas and live a better life are.
It is the nature of overwhelming trauma to give us too much information that we have no possible way of making good use of. Our bodies were designed to process not only the information about our traumas themselves, but also designed to protect us from being completely overwhelmed by the ‘too much inappropriate information’. Our body-brain does this in the safest way it possibly can.
I see a ‘wordless image’ at this moment provided to my left brain from my right brain’s storehouse of information. If I was desperately thirsty and wanted a drink of water, and decided that filling an empty paper cup with water from the end of a fire hose turned on full blast was the best way to solve my problem, I would be disappointed with the results! If I was tired of living in the night darkness and decided to wire house by myself, not knowing how to do the job right, and then hooked up my circuit box to an electric cable carrying the full load of electricity meant to power a town of ten thousand, I would also be disappointed at the outcome of my efforts to solve this problem.
Every person might want to access water and power to maintain their life – or life style. But just because these systems seem to work without thought or effort for ‘ordinary’ people around us does not mean that things are going to work the same way for those of us who were designed by and build for malevolent worlds of trauma through severe child abuse. We simply have too much information!
At the same time we are trying to maintain our every day existence, the same way that everyone else does, we are also continually forced to deal with the ongoing effects of what happened to us. Much of our life force that would be free to become expressed in our life in positive ways is instead tied up in trying to life IN SPITE of our traumatic overload. A big part of who we are is occupied with maintaining the emergency conditions that exist in our body-brain-minds.
I see the wordless image of a thousand room mansion so full of trauma related information and misinformation that we have no human way to deal with that we must do our best to seal off all the rooms and live on the front porch! Because this house is really our body we can never just walk away from it. We have found all kinds of ways to continue on living, but we are always paying a terrible price to do so.
It takes time, patience, wisdom, care, courage, determination and persistent courage to live this kind of life while we are constantly trying to heal at the same time! Any ‘quantum leap of healing’ that comes our way would be a most welcome gift! I believe that through the process of dialoging between our body and both hemispheres of our brain we can experience these kinds of necessary quantum leaps of healing. These leaps are made both more possible and more probable as we ALSO dialog with one another.
Even if we could use an invisibility to cloak to make our thousand room mansion appear to be nonexistent, or send it into an alternate dimension like they did to things on the Stargate SG-1 episodes, The existence of our trauma too-much-information overload is still always present. The energy we use to NOT deal with it is vast. The energy we use TO DEAL with it is vast. Either way, we need to be realistic and compassionate with ourselves as we learn more daily about how to live a better life.
When our body sends us information through our right brain, we CAN learn to heed this information wisely. Our body will tell us what our limits are. It will tell us what we need to do to feel safer and more secure in the world. We cannot afford to ignore this information or pretend our trauma history doesn’t exist. Doing so limits us and by excluding much of who we are. I hear my right brain’s inner voice speaking through my left brain’s voice, “It’s OK now. It’s all over. You can come out from hiding.” At the same time I hear that voice saying, “I am here to help you. You are never alone.
My job is to be willing to listen to what my body’s voice is saying. It is never wrong.