Please follow this link the this story which has been moved over to my Adulthood Stories section of this blog.



  1. I am so sorry it happened to my precious little boy. If I never write another word in my life, this piece has been written now and is the most important one I will ever write. That instant was the true break between myself of the past abuse and myself in my present because it was the point that I felt the deepest sorrow and remorse for my own actions to a powerless, helpless, innocent child. This is something, I believe, that never happened for my mother. Somehow she had been built to avoid that break. We both passed our trauma on to our child. The difference was that I was able to feel it and she never could. I find myself wondering about the relationship between having the ability to feel one’s agony and having the ability to separate the ongoing chain of trauma experiences so that there becomes a new consciousness about past being separate from the present so that the cycle can be broken. Is it only through being able to feel our agony that this time separation can occur, or does the ability to feel the agony exist because we can separate past from present?

  2. I can tell how hard that was for you to write — and how the first half of the post is “hovering” above it, before you have to actually step into the story to tell it. I’m sorry that happened and I’m sorry it brought you so much pain but am glad it gave you the clarifying moment you needed to disown your mother. Thank you for sharing this story.

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