While I am nothing like ‘an expert’ in anything related to diagnostic categories commonly used – and accepted – in mainstream America today, at age 60, having been involved in my own healing from severe child abuse from birth (until I was age 18) for half of my lifetime, I am an expert on myself.
I just read this online page –
I believe there are far more people with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) than any ‘professional’ would care to accept. While this might not be an ‘official diagnosis’ – for me it is an accurate one. True, I ‘have’ Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) – probably could add the ‘complex’ part to the front of that, for whatever purpose that serves – along with ‘depression’, ‘dissociation’ and all the etc. etc. that could be included.
But when push comes to shove and I am triggered in my life, it is the RAD that most accurately covers my experience. Nobody can talk me out of this awareness, no matter what their experience, education, research, (etc.) might be.
So I am writing this post just to support and encourage any severe infant-child abuse and neglect people who have come up with this ‘category’ for their self as being an accurate one. If you suspect this, in my opinion and experience, honor what you know enough to accept that you are right.
Everything else that is a part of my body and my experience of myself in my life can be included under the RAD umbrella.
When something in my life is a major trigger, and when ‘kindling’ begins (See: +MY MOSAIC OF REACTION TO BEING FACED WITH……..) it is true that what could be called my ‘Disorganized-Disoriented Insecure Attachment Disorder’ becomes activated in serious and pervasive ways.
But on the level of my experience when this happens about what is needed to diminish the difficulties all of the ‘damage’ (through Trauma Altered Development) my insanely abusive BPD mother caused me, it is the RAD awareness that helps me calm myself down.
Because of the intense triggering that being confronted with my despairing abused neighbor girl last Friday caused me (see recent posts), it is taking days for me to do this ‘calming myself down’. It is hard work. It is my life. I understand nearly all of it now – why I am this way, what happened to make me this way, what I react to and how, and what I can do to reestablish the best-state of peaceful calm that I can manage to find.
No, this is not fun. In fact, it really really sucks! But this body is all I have to get me through my life. The terrible traumatic stress of my severely abusive infancy and childhood did this to me. The complete lack of any safe and secure attachment with another person did this to me. The forced isolation during my 18 year childhood did this to me.
I KNOW now. I KNOW! And anyone who has searched the internet on this topic and has landed upon this post, congratulations! Trust yourself!!
NOTE to blog subscribers – please always click on a post title so that you can come directly to the blog to read – I am a queen of edits after a post is first published!
Thanks for reading!
Please click here to read or to Leave a Comment »