There are abused infants and children whose life is in permanent hell – unless someone from the outside identifies what the dynamics of the parent-child relationship truly are – and permanently separates the parent and child. When the root of the abuse is mental illness, particularly of the ‘splitting-projecting’ severe Borderline, there is NO HOPE for achieving safety for the abused child. REMOVE IT!
March 4, 1958 Tuesday morning
Notes as late and must close.
1. Report cards last Friday. John got all S’s. He is so proud and has been put in advanced reading! Linda [age 6] STILL poor behaved, loud, insolent etc. but good at home! She’s as usual – plays around if not watched closely! Same at home – I speak to her ten times to three to the others [put together] – hope she’ll grow out of it – it’s still her lack of imagination and old silliness I think. She’s not tom boyish though. All S’s in school work too and an excellent reader.
“The others” in my mother’s mind were all her other children put together. Those other children were so rarely parented by my mother’s ‘bad-evil’ self as to hardly be noticed over the entire 18 year span of their childhood.
Me, on the other hand, belonged to that special group of ONE that ‘deserved’ to be parented by the ‘bad-evil’ mother. Nobody ever noticed that as my mother ‘bad-evilized’ ME that the ‘bad-evil’ was on the other side of a dark looking glass.
How do I know that those two words, ‘put together’ needed to be added into my mother’s tirade against me here? Because I heard that phrase during my entire childhood up until the night when I was 18 and my father told me that he and my mother no longer wanted me under their roof – because I was the cause of all the troubles in my parent’s marriage – and because I had ALWAYS been more trouble than all of the other children (by then there were five of them) put together.
What my mother was doing to me STILL by the time I was six was obliterating my SELF. Some people refer to severe abuse of infant-children as being ‘soul murder’. I disagree. My soul was mine and my mother could NEVER touch it – so she didn’t. She DID, however, have the power to obliterate my growing and developing SELF from the moment I was born.
These ‘ten times’ that my mother refers to in her letter were not ‘ten times’ of gentle, appropriate correction. She responded to her projected evil put into me with her own unrecognized internal evil.
These kind of parent-child interactive combinations are NOT correctable. There is, as I have said so many times before, nothing either the child or the parent can IN REALITY do to make things ‘better’ or ‘safer’ or ‘more appropriate’. The foundation for the abuse I received had NOTHING to do with reason or reality. There was NEVER a REASON for anything my mother ever did to me.
True, I was not able to be a perfect child – nor were my siblings. But the only way I could NOT have had my mother hate me and treat me the way that she did was by my NOT BEING A CHILD in the first place which of course meant that I would have had to CEASE BEING ALIVE.
In these situations any child in my position MUST BE REMOVED from the abusing parent permanently. There is no other option.